Baby bananas for everyone...

Movin' on up, to the east side...

2007-01-31T13:27:00.000-05:00

Ok people, Baby Banana is moving. Well, to tell the truth, Baby Banana HAS ALREADY moved.

http://babybanana.wordpress.com/

No more updates on Blogger, in fact I am emailing this in since I can’t log in to my old account.

So come visit me over at Word Press!

Force my hand why don't you...

2007-01-29T17:31:00.000-05:00

So is Blogger FORCING everyone to the Beta…which I guess is now their alpha?

I don’t want to upgrade. I don’t want to use my G-mail ID to sign in. And I can’t log into my Dashboard w/o switching.

I think I am going to leave Blogger for something else. Moveable Type maybe? Anyone have any recommendations?

This Beta crap has pissed me off enough…

A little humor goes a long way

2007-01-29T12:12:00.000-05:00

For this morning’s Orange Line Metro operator–

Thank you for your humor and wit during this morning’s commute. I, along with most riding in my car, found it most refreshing. Your light-hearted instructional seminar on How to Best Board and Alight During the Morning Commute was quite helpful – even if these things seem obvious, common sense is often lost on the D.C.-area morning commuters. Your repeated instructions and praise after each stop help to cut through the morning fog and really get to the heart of things – the faster everyone gets out of the way, the faster people can alight and the faster we can move on to the next station. Of course, you said it better than I. The highlight of the trip came as we were pulling into Farragut West and you announced “The time now is 8:58 a.m.” and then in a whisper “that means you still have time to grab a coffee. Enjoy your morning.”

Enjoy it, I did.

T-minus 7 days and counting...

2007-01-23T12:12:00.000-05:00

7 more days before I can try a little run. If anyone has noticed, that is 6 weeks since my last attempt and 13 weeks since my last run of any significance (you know, that pesky, calf-injuring Marine Corps Marathon).

This is bittersweet news since...yay, 7 days! I can totally handle that! But, BOO! For in just one day I'll be on the hard, white sandy beaches of Naples, FL without being able to do anything but walk on them--and they are just so gosh-darned-perfect for running, that doing anything but is practically a crime.

So feel for me, and my non-running feet, as I meander along the warm beaches of Florida's Gulf Coast this week. I even think there is one day of my trip with a forecast of "Party Cloudy" Oh! The horror! Too bad we've had such mild weather this winter otherwise I'd be able to milk this for even more jealousy-inspired comments.

No time for losers

2007-01-22T12:45:00.000-05:00

What awesome conference championship games yesterday!

Grossman proved what everyone has been saying for the past 5 weeks. He doesn't have to be good for the Bears to win, he just has to not suck. And not suck he did, to the tune of zero interceptions and 11 for 26 completed passes. Not great, but good enough for a strong win over the Saints. I thought the Bears were going to lose it there in the 3rd quarter. But they pretty much sealed the deal after the safety.

Manning finally proved he can win in the post-season, because apparently winning one game (last week) in the post season didn't count. So he went out there yesterday, got down early and brought it back around for the biggest comeback in conference-title game history. The pressure's on you now Eli.

Now, all of my post-season, love-drunk rooting aside (I actually rooted for the Bears, a division rival!) I'm gonna keep it real for Feb.4 and say...

...come on Manning, Dungy and the Colts deserve this. Go Indy!

Pumpkin and bourbon and caramel...OH MY!

2007-01-18T12:14:00.000-05:00

It's time for another Baby Bananas Baking Segment! Previously, we've had a Mother's Day Lemon Supreme pie, a Father's Day Carrot Cake, and some dirty-minded sugar cookies. Today's delectable comes in the form of Pumpkin Cheescake with Bourbon-Pecan Caramel Sauce. Made especially for the celebration of Hanumas.

Here we have the ingredients assembled so as to make sure that I have everything on hand, because believe me when I say it's a pain in the ass to start baking something only to realize that you only have two eggs when the recipe calls for four.

Crushed ginger snaps and toasted pecans mixed with melted butter will eventually lead to…

…the crust of the cheesecake, seen here just prior to it’s baking.

Now it’s time for the fun part – beating (oh how I heart my Kitchen Aid mixer). Sugar, cream cheese and lemon zest are mixed together. The lemon will help to heighten the pumpkin flavor…otherwise it could get lost in the general creaminess that is cheesecake.

Once you add the eggs and vanilla you get a really fluffy batter to which you will add the pumpkin. Oh glorious pumpkin. Do you know how hard it was for me to not put in twice the called for amount?

I can tell you that even at this stage, it tasted pretty damn good.

But there is a purpose to all this, time to add the cream cheese mixture to the crust for what will hopefully be a damn tasty cheesecake.

I am scared I will over bake it…here you can see it baking in it’s water bath, all wrapped in foil. The foil keeps the water from seeping in and ruining the crust. The water bath ensures even heating (no hard edges) and helps to avoid cracks in the top of the finished product.

Time to chill out, for four, long hours!

Now it’s chilled and crumbed out with crushed ginger snaps around the edges (I confess, I did that to hide the mess I made of the edges trying to loosen the cake from the pan).

The only thing that is missing now is the caramel bourbon-pecan sauce and the people to eat it! Unfortunately, that photo resides on Buggie's camera :(

See, winter does exist!

2007-01-16T16:01:00.000-05:00

A weekend jaunt to the Midwest, complete with snow and freeizng temperatures (it was 11° when I left this morning), assured me that it really is winter right now.

My just desserts

2007-01-09T17:56:00.000-05:00

So the possibly-psuedo-to-you-but-real-for-me holiday known as Hanumas is approaching this weekend. I've charged myself with making dessert for the fesivities and being that I received two, shiny-new springform pans I'd like to attempt something I've never baked before. Problem is, I can't decide what to make. Here are just some of the delectables I am debating over: ~Frozen Pumpkin Mousse Torte with Caramel-Pecan Topping ~Layerd Mocha Cream Torte ~Deep Dark Chocolate Cheesecake ~Christmas Cheesecake with English Toffee Filling ~Spiced Pumpkin Cheesecake with Caramel-Bourbon Sauce Decisons...decisions...

The NFL Playoffs – who will kick it first?

2007-01-08T13:40:00.000-05:00

And by "kick it", I mean which NFL playoff coach do you think will suffer a heart attack or untimely death first? These are not healthy people, I wonder if there is a line for this in Vegas...

Bill Belichick's Patriots at Marty Schottenheimer's Chargers

My pick: This one is hard. While Schottenheimer looks like he could fly offf the handle at any given moment, I think Belichick's steely resolve could mean he is a seether. Seething does nothing for your health. On the other hand Belichick is probably too smart to get himself killed. Ok. Schottenheimer ~~wins~~ loses this one. He'll be the first to go.

Mike Holmgren's Seahawks at Lovie Smith's Bears

My pick: Lovie Smith. It won't be a natural death--but the city of Chicago will come after him if Grossman keeps sucking like he has been and is not benched.

Tony Dungy's Colts at Brian Billick's Ravens

My pick: Tony Dungy. He has been battling Nicole Ritchie for the Eating Disorder title for quite some time now. Add the suicide of his son last year and a history of post-season implosions; he is way beyond the help of just eating a few cookies. This man needs a SuperBowl ring or a sabbatical.

Andy Reid's Eagles at Sean Payton's Saints

My pick: Andy Reid. First of all Reid is a heart attack waiting to happen. I've never seen the man eat, but I can't imagine it's pretty. Plus, Payton is no competition. It's his first pro season as head coach and he is on this amazing ride that led his team to a first-round bye. No pressure. Reid LIVES in the pressure cooker that is Philadelphia, it's almost a blessing he's playing on the road...considering their fans and the Eagles' history of post-season losses.

So the experiment goes belly up

2007-01-03T17:02:00.000-05:00

Literally. I didn't eat the 2lb. box of chocolates...I ended up with the flu and didn't eat much of anything (although I did find a bit of pomegranate juice w/club soda to be quite palatable even if one's stomach is rejecting all content). So, I am chalking that one up to divine intervention. Instead I did a lot of yoga and put the chocolates out for the Hungry Hungry ~~Hippos~~ Co-Workers...they were gone within minutes. Good riddence I say, it's not like they were Godiva's. Does anyone else think it's cool that my gas cost exactly $20.07 on New Year's Eve? In other news, I am finding myself in this really weird (yet delightful) place where everything he says is magical.

Question

2006-12-27T17:06:00.000-05:00

(that was for you, Bugster)

Do you think that if I ate a 2lb. box of chocolates by myself I would only gain two pounds? Not that I am going to do anything of the sort, I am just curious.

Two-a-days here I come.

2006-12-26T17:01:00.000-05:00

Herein starts the official Bananas Workout Regimen That Does Not Include Any Running….At All. Because seriously. It hurts (not the calf people, I am talking about looking in the mirror…zipping up the pants, etc.). Turns out five batches of cookies are just a bit too many, thus leaving leftovers in my fridge for me to eat for breakfast, dinner, and completely the unnecessary snack time because do you understand that I already ate 3 cookies for breakfast and 4 more for dinner? Mah. Gawd. So many gym hours in my future. How long do you think it will take to work off a week of over indulgence plus two weeks of complete inactivity while in Chicago? Probably more time that it took to sit on my ass and then over indulge. Harumph. Also, holiday loot update…did I get that photo framed, the one gift that I really wanted? No. “Too difficult” the family said. What about the polka dotted, striped or plaid PJs I asked for? That’s easy, right? Nope. Rose festooned PJs it is! Apparently roses are very similar to polka dots. Double harumph.

All I want for Chirstmas is my...

2006-12-21T20:40:00.000-05:00

is my... my what? Last year I got myself my two front teeth. It was then that I also scored the Nano and the digital camera that I had wanted so badly. (So Bug, have you rued the day you gave it to me yet? Mwahahaha.) So what’s my wish for this year? Hmmm… I always like getting running gear. But I am sad because my orthopedist just put me on a 6-week running hiatus. I cannot run until Jan. 30! Apparently a tear in your calf muscle won’t heal with even irregular bouts of running. Bah. Do you realize how out of shape I am going to be come February? This practically rules out running the National Half-Marathon in March. Double gah. Anyway, moving on…there are lots of things that I like and would be excited about receiving. I just don’t have that one item (or items) that I am almost desperate to get this year. I take that back, I’ve asked my family to take a photo that I snapped in India and have it matted and framed for me. It’s about time I get some damn artwork on my walls. I’ve been in my condo for almost three years for crissakes. So I want that. Badly. And I have a feeling that because I want it so, my family won’t get it for me. That’s just the way things go, you know? But I am content. I feel good about life. So let's keep that up, ok? Some peace on Earth and goodwill to man wouldn't hurt either. See, I am not nearly as devilish as my caricature for my company’s holiday card would suggest. I swear. All that being said, Santa you better be good to me! Because while I don't really want for anything right now, I do love a good present. Merry Christmas everyone! And Happy Hanukah to all the Jews. Kisses. Oh and did I mention that it's a three-day weekend for me? Use-or-lose vacation days baby. Have to take it, we can't have vaction days going to waste now can we? So I'll spend tomorrow sleeping in, hitting up some Bikram yoga, baking cookies, wrapping gifts and ice skating! Yay! Ice skating. What a fantabulous way to kick off the winter solstice, don't you think?

Dear stupid woman,

2006-12-19T12:53:00.000-05:00

If you are going to be afraid of the mysterious moving staircase, do not ride Metrorail duing rush hour. Your apprehension of getting on the fantastic, new-fangled machine could cause me and countless other commuters to break neck and limbs in attempts to come screeching to a halt because you can't figure out how to mount the damn thing. This is not double-dutch. You do not have to time your entry...just step on the moving staircase. I mean toddlers can do it for crissakes. Same goes for when you get to the top. No timing required. Just.step.off.the.stair. Confusion (especially stupid confusion) holds no place in rush hour commuting. Love and regards, The almost smushed Baby Banana

Conundrum

2006-12-15T19:16:00.000-05:00

Do I breathe a sigh of relief if my biggest problem right now is deciding if I should bake ooey, gooey cinnamon rolls or cookies this weekend as gifts for my coworkers? Obviously I am also worryied about getting in my party ethics training, but that just goes without saying. Actually my real problem is that I am just not into Christmas yet. My Thanksgiving was so stunted that I am just now going through the filofax in my head for gift ideas for friends and family. I haven't put up any decorations yet. Have I sent out Christmas cards? Do I even have cards I can send out? That's a double negative. Why can't everyone I know just celebrate Hanumas sometime in mid-January? Well, because then it would ruin Hanumas Marci! Lots of baking in my future this weekend, maybe that will get me in the spirit. I also just got my Advent calendar from Mama Bug...13 days late (my fault, not hers)...but that will undoubtedly get me in the spirit. Nothing like a tiny, festively wrapped gift to open everyday to get you fired up about Jesus' birthday and his good friend Kris Kringle! 10 Days left 'til Christmas kids!

The lesser of two evils?

2006-12-12T16:47:00.000-05:00

If Paris Hilton is defending your parenting skills, you have problems kid. I’m just saying, having the press photograph your propensity to keep your cooter uncovered might just be the better deal if the flipside is having Paris send out a plea on your behalf. Although I imagine Britney, upon hearing of this message, would say something country like “Aw, Paris is, like, sooo sweet y’all! I can’t believe she’d be, like, sooo nice to me. It, like, totally makes up for the time she wouldn’t let me ‘borrow’ * some of her panties.” *use air quotations here, as opposed to “real” ones. As posted on Hilton’s MySpace:

Lately, you've been seeing pics of me and Britney partying (blah blah) and she nows that some of her fans are very upset about what they call her "behavior" and sadly they're blaming the issue on her being friends with me. Yeah, me and Brit have become really close in the past few weeks, and we've gone out alot in the past few nights, but I never influence anything she does, and neither does anyone else. Brit is her own person and she deals with her own things everyday. For people to call out her parenting skills on behalf of her partying ethics is appalling. Britney loves her kids to death, and I know for a fact that it truly hurts her when she sees these cruel things being written about her. She goes home every night to her babies and partying has not come in the way of her parenting. Anyone who has called her out on this should really be ashamed. There are thousands of mothers out there who like to go out and have a good time. But, you do not see people out there calling them "bad parents" She's young, and if she wants to go out and have some fun, let her. Just because she does these things does not mean she doesn't care about her children. For the sake of Britney and her kids, be kind.
Love, Paris

Contrary to popular belief, I am not dead.

2006-12-11T12:25:00.000-05:00

Sorry to disappoint. Vacationing in Chicago is lovely. I highly recommend it. If you go this time of year though, bring warm things. Seriously though, it was all so nice and wonderful and not sucky. Well not having internet did suck for my fantasy football standings (Delhomme is hurt! C. Taylor is out!? Shockey caught a TD pass!), but other than that, it was super! Really, really super. I do feel a bit out of it now, being away for two weeks does things to your brain. For example, I’ve forgotten how to do anything that doesn't involve sitting in a coffee shop for three hours. It’s slipped my mind as to what is necessary to remove oneself from the bed upon awakening in under an hour’s time. I am horribly overdressed for the weather in my thick, tweed skirt and wool tights and a wool sweater over a collared shirt, all wrapped in a pashima and covered with a wool coat. Yeah, Marci, it’s not single digits outside, lose some of the sheep sister. Now that I am home, it’s discerning to see that not everything is coated in a dusting of snow or ice. When I got in my car for the first time in two weeks this past weekend, I mistook the dust and grime covering my vehicle for solidified wintry precipitation--that is until I tried to remove it. I mean, imagine a world where it snows one day and a week later, the snow is still there! Not melted away into the gutters, but still clinging to trees and window sills! It’s amazing. I am finding that my computer screen is far less festive than the countless markets and shops I spent my days in last week…although I’ve tried to remedy that just a bit by changing my wallpaper to this festive photo that I snapped at the Chriskindl Market. Yes, the sign says “Modern Art Balls”. Heh, balls. Soldier field, too, is a magical place. It was my first time visiting the storied stadium two Sunday’s ago and all that talk about how the remodeling it under went stole the spirit of the stadium is crap. It’s a great stadium. Jam packed of people rooting for Da Bears--all with unobstructed seating (unlike some stadiums). Unless, you count shirtless men as obstructions…yes faithful fans, sans tops, were spotted gleefully cheering on Da Bears in 19 degree weather. Not to mention the 3 inches of ice most of us were standing on for the duration of the game, which proved even too much for my toes wrapped in faux fur-lined boots and two pairs of socks. I’d do it all again though, that is how you are supposed to watch football afterall…outdoors and freezing your ass off drinking beer slushies. Yes, even our beers got in on the chilly fun, forming ice crystals after just a few sips. So, I am back. It’s not cold. There are no skyscrapers. It’s two weeks before Christmas and I feel like it was just Thanksgiving…hell it was Thanksgiving when I left…anyone have any turkey or pumpkin pie leftovers?

Bring it!

2006-11-30T15:29:00.000-05:00

Oh, I am so excited about my first Chicago snow storm. Snow me in baby, I am on vacation.

Gone fishin'

2006-11-24T18:45:00.000-05:00

Or more like, Gone Business Trippin' Just like last year. Off to the windy city for loads of work and then loads of vacation. Well, specifically 6.5 days of crazy work followed by 6.5 days of completely non-work related free time...in my favorite city of all time. Wheeeeee! And...annnnd! There may or may not be a Bears v. Vikings game in my Chicago future. Ok, I can't lie to you, there soooo is! I won't be back 'til almost mid-December kids. Miss me! I may be able to blog at ya form the road, we'll see. Oh and if anyone named Buggie or Meg decide they need to get the hell out of Dodge (or maybe Alexandria or Jacksonville) and can afford a last minute ticket to Chi-town. You know where I will be, I have the suite from Saturday to Thursday, yo!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!1!

Because the Vikes are 4-6

2006-11-21T21:33:00.000-05:00

and because this rocks with the fury of a thousand rock concerts...

My baseball boyfriend, Justin Morneau, gets the AL MVP award. Even more satisfying than Santana's Cy Young win just a few days ago (I mean how cannot they NOT give the Cy to the guy that led the league in wins, strikeouts and ERA?). It's more satisfying because he had to beat Jeter as well as his own teammates (Mauer garnered 3 third place votes; Santana one first place) to do it.

Remember these? These are MVP balls. Heh. Balls. Personally tossed to me and then again to my sister back in August by the mother friggin MVP of the American League. How cool is that?

Shhhhh, let's have some Justin time, eh?

See, isn't that nice?

Crazy, is that you?

2006-11-19T13:30:00.000-05:00

You are not that girl. You do not suffer from crazy-girl psyscosis. Ok maybe sometimes you are that girl. You are not perfect. But you should have faith. Don't ruin shit before it happens or doesn't happen. Don't be an ass. Really, don't be an ass. Ok, only be an ass when it's funny (for other people and not just you). Hold off with the flippant attitude, OK? You are going to learn a lot in a week if you play your cards right, you need to go in with an open mind and an open heart. This has been a Baby Bananas Self Help Announcement.

Because the Vikes are 4-5

2006-11-16T17:24:00.000-05:00

By unanimous vote...the American League Cy Young Award goes to Johan Santana. What? pitching triple crowns are easy, he says.

So we get the Cy back, and Santana also brings in the Player's Choice Award for the AL's most outstanding pitcher, Sporting New's Pitcher of the Year, and Baseball America's Player of the Year.

Twins also get reign over the batting title (Mauer) and Executive of the Year (GM, Ryan) as well as the bling with a Golden Glove (Hunter) and a couple of Silver Sluggers (Mauer and Morneau).

And MVP voting still isn't over!

Yeah, that's it...right there

2006-11-15T18:04:00.000-05:00

Ok Hammer, this one's for you... Domination is not happening so much for me any more by way of Fantasy Blogball or even in my "we do it for money" fantasy league. I still feel as though I am in it, I mean all you need to do is make the playoffs to be a contender, right? But I've been dealing with what you would call a "Quarterback Situation" in the Fantasy Blogball. My two drafted QBs were Duante Culpepper and Trent Green. Yeah. Overall though, I don't think I am doing too bad considering my biggest point getter is my kicker. My Kicker! But that's how fantasy football is played these days, just ask Bill Simmons.

Speaking of defunct quarterbacks...do you realize how many teams are currently starting a QB who was not the starter at the beginning of the season? Chiefs - Started with Trent Green / Now playing Damon Huard Dolphins - Started with Duante Culpepper / Now playing Joey Harrington Jaguars - Started with Byron Leftwich / Now playing David Garrad Cowboys - Started with Drew Bledsoe / Now playing Tony Romo Raiders - Started with Aaron Brooks / Now playing Andrew Walter Titans - Started with Kerry Collins / Now playing Vince Young Cardinals - Started with Kurt Warner / Now playing Matt Leinhart 49ers - Started with Ken Dorsey/ Went to Cody Pickett / Then to Tim Rattay / Now it looks like they are going back to playing Ken Dorsey? * Seahawks - Started with Hasselbeck / Now playing Seneca Wallace Redskins - Started with Mark Brunell / Now playing Jason Campbell Did I forget anyone? This has got to be unprecedented, right? I mean that is nearly a third of the league! To be fair Green and Hasselbeck should be back this week or next...but man! Craziness.

*CORRECTION See the comment section for my snotty excuse for getting this wrong and then wrong again. But the 49ers haven't had a QB controvery this season, it's the Buccaneers I am thinking of. They started with Chris Simms and are now playing Bruce Gradowski. Apologies to my friend D-Mac who was highly offended by my glaring mistake and oversight.

Ooh la la, aren’t you the charming one?

2006-11-13T12:42:00.000-05:00

I totally wined and dined myself yesterday. And if I were one to put out on a first date, I totally would have given it up to myself, because hot damn I am a superb wooer. I woke yesterday excited (not that kind of excited you pervs) because it was to be my first run since the marathon. Testing out the hip and the calf, I went out in the wind and the rain for a little 3-miler. And had to turn back and walk home after just one mile. There was just too much pain. Not that it was excruciating pain, but it was too much pain to be having after a two-week rest period. Physical therapy here I come. Ugh. So, to make myself feel better after having to walk home in the cold, wind and rain (running in that is one thing, walking in it just plain sucks) I made myself a kick ass breakfast of eggs stuffed with baby spinach and chevre. So yummy. And it worked, I totally felt better about my day. So good in fact I decided to go out and get some errands done before Sunday’s games really got underway. And as I was running errands, I stopped and bought myself a large, tasty bowl of tomato basil soup. At this point my mouth is really starting to fall for me. So I lug it (my mouth) on over to the grocery store where I load up on all the staples, including a case of wine. Valpolicella, Malbec, Pinot Grigio, Chianti, Shiraz, Sangiovese. You know, the necessities. After returning home and getting my fill of the crazy ass football games I decide that I need to make myself a nice dinner before the Sunday night game starts. I mean, I already started to fall for myself earlier in the day…now’s where I lay it on, right? A damn tasty chicken divan ladled over organic brown rice and a generous glass of Chianti sealed the deal. What a better way to woo a girl than with a nice glass of wine, a home-cooked meal and football? (Sigh, Ed Hochuli. Hochuli! Hochuli!) Actually I wasn’t really able to seal the deal with myself until the 3rd quarter of the Bears/Giants game when it was noticed that said bottle of Chianti was…um…empty. Using my smarts (and avoiding a scene) I poured myself a glass of the open Pinot Grigio used to make the chicken divan. Potential crisis averted, I was able to finish watching the game with myself, booze in hand. LEGEND: Items in green are the way to this girl's heart.

An eruption of sweetness

2006-11-06T18:03:00.000-05:00

A very sweet weekend indeed. For those that happened to not be present at Law-ruh's pad this Friday night, you should be acutely aware that the horror and all-around scary movies of your childhood are no longer scary. It's a fact. I've tried many times now to scare the beejesus out of myself by viewing some classic scary movies to no avail (most recently Halloween and Children of the Corn). But if you get the chance to eat Law-ruh's homemade ice cream while watching Isaac come back from the dead to bring Malachai with him...do it. In unrelated news, in case you ever wondered, melted frosting oozes just like lava. I don't know why you would wonder about this, but you might. Perhaps if you knew of a 12-year old's luau-themed birthday party in which you were slated to make the official birthday cakes...then perhaps you would put thought into this kind of thing. I know I never pondered a situation such as this before this weekend. But alas, melted frosting (slightly cooled) will ooze just like molten lava when poured over a towering mountain (aka volcano) of chocolate cake. I just feel bad for Tyra (Tricia's twin sister) who opted for the non-surprise luau cake and requested that her giant chocolate chip cookie "cake" be embellished with a toucan...which you might be able to make out in the background here. It was not nearly as festive and "ooooh...ahhhh" inspiring as the volcano cake and for this I am sorry. But Tricia picked the surprise cake behind door number 2 and made out with this lovely specimen (if I do say so myself). I think this was the most fun I ever had making a cake. So if anyone out there ever has a hankering for an eruption of frosting, let me know because I will be more than willing to put an edible volcano together for you.

Note to Self: You Are No Longer a Hoover Vacuum

2006-11-01T17:40:00.000-05:00

Marathon training sure had it's benefits. While I sit here (quite literally as I am a good two days removed from any physical activity whatsoever) recovering from the longest distance of my life, I have to keep telling myself that I am no longer training for a marathon. Because if I don't, I will find myself at the various candy jars stashed around the office mindlessly, gleefully, needingly stuffing assorted confections into my mouth. Yet, I no longer have the caloric burn that goes along with running 40 miles per week to offset such a sweet and gooey intake. What a bad time of year to slow your metabolic roll! With Halloween over, all the parents have inevitably brought in all the candy they don't wish their children to eat--so the usual one office candy jar has multiplied into eight. Eight jars filled with all the candy you would have died for in a post-Halloween candy swap as a child, just sitting there for the taking. You are no longer a Hoover vacuum. Enormous amounts of food calories, sweets, carbs and fat will not miraculously melt away into thin air. You must regain control and return to normal feeding habits. Remember you love spinach. You love carrots. You are able to control your sweet tooth. You like being a size six. You are no longer a Hooover vacuum...

My MCM 2006

2006-10-30T13:22:00.000-05:00

Or better titled, How to Severely Fuck Up Your Calf and Hip. I finished. But with a gimpy shuffle step that was nearly (if not more than) 2 minutes per mile slower than my goal pace. Owie. Everything was going along great. The first two miles were pretty slow going, but I had accounted for that knowing that it would be hard to get into a real pace with that many people. Once it thinned out a bit we started hitting our pace at just over 10 minute miles. My calf (which started giving me very minor problems a few days earlier) was feeling tight, but not at all painful which I took as a good sign. [Cut to Mile 12.5…somewhere near the Smithsonian castle] Snappity snap! Snap! Searing pain. At this point I can barely put weight on my right leg. I sent my running partner on without me (she finished in 4 hours 36 minutes) and stopped to stretch. Stretching did not feel good. I tried all sorts of positions. No real luck. Someone I had been training with passed me by and mentioned something about “maybe next time”. What? I am not bagging this freaking race! Not finishing didn’t even cross my mind. I limped back to the race path. By shuffling along and not coming off my toe I was able to keep the pain in my calf to a minimum. It meant I looked like Quasimoto when I ran, but I could run (if you can call it that). So began my shuffling limp of a run for the next 13+ miles. Shortly after the injury I found two very friendly faces in the crowd, the lovely Jennifer and my friend D-Mac. I was thankful for the stoppage of play and the opportunity to complain about my injury. I reiterated (out loud this time) my desire to finish. They cheered me on and I limped off. As I checked off another mile off the list of 26.2, I thought I heard my name…but not my name as it was taped to my chest…but rather my nickname of “Marci”. A name I had yet to hear that entire day. It was faint and I half-heartedly looked around. I-66, I still don’t know how I spotted you but I am glad I did. Figuring my time was blown anyway, I turned around to have a quick chat. This is when I realized Velvet in Dupont was there as well. Yay! I took the opportunity to complain some more. I am sure I was a joy at this point. Many thanks for listening to me guys, I am sorry! Also…was the tall dude The Captain? If so, I am sorry I didn’t hug you. We’ve played Fantasy Blogball together for two seasons now and we still have not met. I think it was you I heard yelling my name both times I spotted you guys in the crowd. So thanks! Really. It meant a lot. All of you. I got into a sort of limpy groove and was able to keep my spirits up despite having to stop every mile and half to stretch out the stiffness and pain. [Side note: To the Tylenol 8-Hour sponsor folks. Do not put your signs up all over the fucking race course and not have your pain killing medication readily available. I looked for your little red pills at every med tent and every water stop from Mile 15 on. You suck and I hate you.] I think it was Mile 18 when the limping took it’s toll on my hip because my gait got pretty ugly after that. Adrenaline took over around Mile 22 and I was able to run it in without stopping (except for water) and without searing pain. It felt like my leg kind of shut down. I was prepared for the finish, as many of my training runs followed the same route. I knew the little hill was coming right at the 26 mile mark and didn’t have issue with it. Stopping was the problem. Because once I stopped, it meant I had to move again and that was (and is) the hardest thing I had to deal with—transitioning from sitting to standing/from standing to walking. Not fun. Also not fun? Mentally feeling as if I did not run a marathon. I am on the fence as to whether or not I am happy I finished or if I should have gone for the DNF*. My quads feel like they ran a marathon. My hip and my calf are just all sorts of unhappy. My brain, meh. I dunno. But I thank all of you for your wishes of support going in and wishes of congratulations coming out of this thing. I will run another one. That is the worst thing right now. Outside of the injuries, I feel great. I just know I could have had a great race. So I’ve got to do another one to see how it was really supposed to go. It won’t be Marine Corps though…augh…what a mess. Maybe the Chicago marathon next fall? It is my favorite city! Next up? Gar-Williams half-marathon in December. Let’s see if I can get healthy for that. *But I did pass the running banana I saw at Mile 16. Thank God for that! How embarrassing would it have to been to lose to a banana! Also, Jen, cold french toast is mighty fucking good at 2:30 in the morning. Which is when I finally had the stomach to eat my brunch! Thank you!

Gentelmen, start your engines!

2006-10-27T12:01:00.000-04:00

Or...er... ...People, start quickly placing one foot in front of the other! Harupmh. It doesn't quite have the same ring to it. Nevertheless, the 31st Marine Corps Marathon is upon us. Or me. And 30,000 other runners. Gah! Can you say nervous? I've already had the dream where I can't run any faster than a snail's pace no matter how hard I try to speed things up. Some of you have expressed mild interest in cheering people on this Sunday (me, bananas in general, other friends, etc). This is a great service you can provide and I encourage it wholeheartedly. So much so that baked goods may be made in exchange for cheering services rendered. Yes I am bribing people to come cheer, shut it! For those that are planning on being there (for whatever reason) I thought I would provide some useful info. First of all. I will have my name emblazoned across my chest and back to take full advantage of freebie cheering from strangers who get off yelling "Go Banana!" or "Run, Marci, run!" So look for that. Is that dorky? I don't mind being a dork, so better question...is that pathetic? Second of all, the race offers a coolio tracker that will allow you to estimate a runner's position from your computer (or crackberry) by signing up here: Remote Runner Tracking. You just need a bib number. Mine is # 32946 Thirdly, the Marine Corps people have put together a handy guide for spectators. It can be found here: Spectator Info. ~Hopefully Helpful Hints for spotting this banana in the crowd~ *If I know you are coming out, I'll send ya a text letting you know what my running attire for the race is...since I really have no idea what I'll be wearing at this point. *My goal is to hit 10 minute miles for the first 15 and then hopefully speed things up a tiny bit after that. *I am in the 8:40 am start group. But it could take 15-30 minutes for me to even cross the start line (pushing me back to 9am or later!). *I've (obviously) never done this before so I am not sure how to organize a good spectator effort but I would imagine that spectating with friends is better than doing it alone. So hook up with the other non-hungover people and get out there and cheer. Also, if you've done it before...please please please give me advice! Wish me luck! In other news...who knew all it would take is a little rain postponement to get this Series pumped up to exciteable levels? Game 4 rocked. But I want it to go to seven...so, go Tigers!

Productivity be damned!

2006-10-26T09:06:00.000-04:00

There is a new installment in my office’s kitchen. We have aromatherapy liquid hand soap. This is actually big news considering that normally we use watered down CVS-brand liquid soap (I am not lying…”it makes it last longer!” our office manager tells us). So I must say that I was a bit excited to see the pretty, brown, apothecary-styled bottle sitting on the edge of the kitchen sink. I ran right over to wash my hands. It was then I noticed that the specialty of this specific aromatherapy soap is to calm you into sleep. Hmmm. It’s bad enough that half the staff here doesn’t understand that the bright orange coffee urn is for decaf and the plain, black urn is for the good stuff -- so us caffeinators often end up with a big ol’ mug of placebo in the mornings. (Let me tell you, now that’s some real fun there!) But now, the powers that be are encouraging sleep along with basic hygiene? How unproductive can we get here? Maybe they are trying to clean house. By trapping us into nodding off at our desk because our hands just smell too calming to stay awake, they can declare us worthless and ineffectual leading to our eventual termination. It’s brilliant really. Too bad I won’t fall for it.

I'm back and I'm proud

2006-10-24T12:35:00.000-04:00

I am back stateside. What an experience. I really feel at a loss for words...it's so hard to describe what it was like in Mumbai. There is nothing I can say here to convey the trip with any sort of brevity or without some major gesticulating. I am still jetlagged. I want to sleep all the time. I was a crazy trip and poorly timed work-wise (read: I am major stressed), but I am so glad I had the opportunity to go. I will leave you with a few of my favorite pictures. I took about 100, but these are the ones that really say a lot--to me at least First, we have to keep it real. Me drinking the local brew, KingFisher. Not bad. Better than our local brew (if you count Bud as such) and also much cheaper. By far, the cheapest spirit in India.

Next we have some workers from the Jain Temple, a very devout and almost OCD sect of the Hindu religion. The temple was gorgeous, handpainting on every facet that wasn't silver. I have tons of pitures of the inside of the temple, but this one kind of epitomizes the level of faith...these guys sit there all day rolling out a liquid kind of clay all day. I don't know what it is. I've looked it up and cannot find an answer, but I watched them for a good long time.

Here at the Victoria Station you can see the strong British influence. This is only about half of the train station, it stretches around on both sides. Our driver wouldn't let us go inside and we couldn't figure out why until later in the week when some Mumbaikers told us that parking there was a nightmare... The most organized business venture I've ever seen has to be the Dhobi Ghat laundry. Middle-class families and local hotels send their laundry here to be washed...literally pounded over stone over and over again. Upon arrival, the laundry is sorted into whites, pants, sheets, saris, etc. and somehow all finds it's way back to the rightful owners. It's hugh, probably the size of two football fields, but the loss rate is supposed to be less than that of a laundromat (or even your own dryer!).

Humbling beyond belief, Mani Bhavan, a home that Mahatma Gandhi used quite often in his struggle to free India of the British. Here I've taken a photo of a window in the library.

Who rocks the house? Bananas rock the house!

2006-10-10T21:30:00.000-04:00

So for my first marathon I am encouraging friends, family, cheerleaders, frogs, babies, bloggers (and anyone or anything else) who would not scoff at getting up on the morning of October 29th to come urge me along the 26.2 mile course. I know you want to get up early on a Sunday and come yell nice things at me as I ~~whiz~~ amble by. I know you do. You so do...don't deny yourself. Think about it and get back to me. Short hiatus comingup folks, I am off to Mumbai in less than 24 hours. Be back before the race!

Updates! Get your Updates!

2006-10-09T12:23:00.000-04:00

A while back I posted about how I've been feeling overwhelmed and suffering though my one-track mind lately (ok, five-track if we are counting...I can't expand my brain to think and obesses about more than 5 things? And I call myself a girl?!?!). Specifically, this is what I said back on September 15th: Thing #1: I have a pace-tastic 17 mile run tomorrow. Whereby "pace-tastic" means I get to try out my projected marathon pace on a portion of the run. Preferrably at the end portion of the run, you know...when you are ready to stop. Preferable to whom, I do not know. UPDATE: I am officially tapering! This means no runs longer than 14 miles in the next three weeks. In fact my weekly average will go down from 40 miles to about 25! The race itself is still looming, but there I will have adrenaline and cheerleaders to get me through. Thing #2: Hot damn I want to get myself to Chicago. Hotter damn I want to be entertained while I am there. UPDATE: Why go to Chicago, when Chicago comes to you? Thing #3: 5 conferences in 10 weeks. Hence, the "overwhelmed" thing. UPDATE: Three conferences down, two to go. Thing #4: One.game.back. UPDATE: AL Central Title baby! Stolen on the last day of play, or Royally handed over. Who cares how we got it? There is also the AL Batting Title. A possible Cy. There is not, however, the ALCS. Sadness. Thing #5: A make-shift receiving corps could actually prove to be effective if a certain wide out can learn to actually catch a ball. UPDATE: Why worry about a certain receiver when you can't even mount any offense at all? Good thing we get to play teams like Detroit and Green Bay for four games a year.

Bring on the snark, got to have the snark

2006-10-05T19:22:00.000-04:00

Even better if it's sport snark. To celebrate the beginning of the NHL season, I leave you with this hilarious ESPN Page 2 article by DJ Gallo (of SportsPickle fame). NHL for Dummies An excerpt: WASHINGTON CAPITALS Alexander Ovechkin is so exciting with the puck that he can make an entire arena hush in anticipation of what he will do next. Granted, the Verizon Center is almost always silent anyway because there are rarely ever any fans there, but my point still stands: Alexander Ovechkin is an exciting player. Unfortunately, the Capitals don't have much help for him. So let's just hope Washington regularly releases videos of Ovechkin going against his teammates in practice. That must be an amazing amount of scoring to witness. Fun Fact: U.S. Congressman Mark Foley owns an Alexander Semin Capitals jersey that he often wears while chatting online.

MLB DS Photo of the Day - Game 1

2006-10-04T08:55:00.000-04:00

It was a tough call as to which photo to pick, I mean there was the crazy, spider-arms Neshek who got the Twins out of a bit of a mess in the 9th (not that it meant anything in the end). I could watch him pitch all day, that side-arm is pure craziness. There was also this gem from Trevor Hoffman, what with the shiny, hairless chest and all...but alas, the photo was disqualified because it was not an actual game day photo. The first runner-up had to be Derek Jeter explaining to Curtis Granderson that it's not that they've sold their souls to the devil that makes the Yankees so good, it's the luck o' the Irish. But the winner? 3rd baseman Nick Punto, tiny super hero...

"Spiders? Did someone say spiders? Get 'em off me man!"

140.7

2006-10-02T17:10:00.000-04:00

For some reason this number left me rather nonplussed. It’s not that it’s not a lot of miles to run in one month. For surly it is, as evident by it’s measly (in comparison) counterparts; August and July…for fun, check out how many miles I ran in May (eesh)! It was, in fact, the most miles I have ever ran in any 28, 30 or 31 day span ever in my life. But I am not excited about it…maybe it’s because last week I skimped. I took 11 miles off my training last week because of social engagements, snoozing alarm clocks and general lack of “oomphness”. I don’t like skimping. When my training schedule tells me to run 8 miles, I like to run pretty damned close to 8 miles--even better if it’s 8.12 miles. Which is why I should get off my ass now and go out there to get the scheduled 8 miles in. Because if I don’t, I’ll feel omphless which will affect my run for Wednesday, which will adversely affect the run after that, which will then leave me mentally disabled for my last 20 miler before the marathon. Sigh. But in relation to last week’s post (see below), that is nearly 13,000 extra calories I burned in one month. I could feed a small country with that! Oh and guess what? The Twins win the pennant! The Twins win the pennant!

(Food) Diary of a Mad Marathon Woman*

2006-09-29T17:24:00.000-04:00

*Well, a mad woman training for a marathon. But "mad" only because it takes a certain level of insanity to actually commit to this much running. There was a comment, or more appropriately a question, made by the lovely Velvet in Dupont the other day when I yet again went on and on (an on) about my running. She asked what I was eating to keep my energy up for those super long runs I do on Saturday mornings. Well the short answer is…pretty much everything. But I thought the long answer would provide some of you who’ve never carbo-loaded or are generally of the non-hungry sort (uh, that’s you Bug) with an interesting glimpse into some intense eating habits. Any of the gentlemen that read may not find this extreme, but I am sure that most of the ladies will be duly surprised/impressed/mortified/nonplussed? Here goes... BABY BANANAS MARATHON TRAINING DIET Breakfast #1 (prior to leaving for work) ~A very large bowl of some sort of carb-tastic, fiber-loaded cereal with skim milk ~A large glass of water Breakfast #2 (while at work) ~Coffee ~Water ~Nectarine or a couple of plums ~Oatmeal with cinnamon and butter Lunch ~2 glasses of water ~A large mixed green salad with cucumbers, bell peppers, tomatoes, broccoli, dried cranberries, cheese, walnuts and balsamic vinaigrette ~Protein in the form of tuna, grilled chicken, tilapia or soy protein crumbles (this usually gets mixed in with the salad) ~A large handful of M&Ms ~More water ~Cinnamon graham crackers or tea biscuits ~Sometimes if I am still hungry (this happens more often than I like) I troll around to see if anyone has lunch leftovers. Pathetic, I know. Snack #1 ~Water ~Natural applesauce and cottage cheese Snack #2 ~Green tea ~Brown rice and broccoli with parmesan cheese ~Probably more M&Ms Snack #3 ~Baby carrots ~Apple Snack #4 ~Cheese quesadilla or PB&J Dinner ~Water ~Grilled tilapia over spinach or squash with 1 very large sweet potato ~usually a second helping of sweet potato or some easy mac-n-cheese Dessert ~A big glass of skim milk ~Some sort of frozen novelty on a stick, sometimes though I put it in a bowl and eat it with chocolate syrup, whipped cream and walnuts as well. Mmmm. ~Water Rinse and repeat. p.s. Yes, I drink that much water and yes I pee as much as you probably think I do.

Missed connection

2006-09-28T12:59:00.000-04:00

I saw you in Canada, summer of 2002 You were in this hot little blue number with gold accents. You got me beer (real Canadians, no less), led me through a bevy of strip clubs, I am sure there was vodka involved somewhere along the line as well. You mentioned you had been used and abused before – most notably in Europe a few years before. I know it's been a while, but I have thought of you from time to time. I know I've seen you here and there since then, but did you notice me? Now though, now I'd really like to reconnect. The past few days I've been thinking of you nonstop. Please see this message; please don't hate me for not thinking of you for so long. Now is the time for us. I've included my favorite photo of you, I hope you haven't changed much...

And poof! The magic number is gone

2006-09-26T17:42:00.000-04:00

And just like that the Twins guarantee themselves that they'll keep on playing into October! So easy, ya? Well it took a crumbling White Sox team to help make it so, now we'll just see if we can topple the Tigers as well. Woo! Torii got his 30th last night, most HRs he's ever put up in a single season! Plus Morneau jacked one for two runs as well, first home run he's had since he saw me on August 24th. I think it's because he missed me and when he saw me there in Baltimore the day before last night's game, he figured it was time to go big. Heh. Go Big. So yeah, playoffs. I can dig it. Except for I am going to miss the ALCS...well all of it but one game . This travel schedule is kind of brutal--gonna totally mess with my taper for the marathon too, and it's also kind of nixing any plans I had to head to Chicago before November. But it's oh so cool. More deets on that to come later. I'll wait until I actually have my plane ticket. p.s. How did this turn into a Justin Morneau soft-core porn blog? I have him pictured here all dripping with champagne, below he is bending over. I need to get a grip. Or smother the swan. Also, I forgot to mention this:

The Magic Number is 2

2006-09-25T12:10:00.000-04:00

2 wins to clinch a play off spot OR 1 win and a loss by the Chicago White Sox OR 2 more wins than the Detroit Tigers to secure the AL Central. The last week of baseball, it’s a bittersweet thing. Actually it’s only sweet if your team gets one of the eight coveted spots. If not, then it just sucks and you can finally turn your attention fully to football. I am still divided. I went to the Twins game in Baltimore yesterday and missed all the football games (well I did watch the Broncos roll over the Pats with the ugly stick last night). I mean the Vikes were playing at the same time as the Twins! What’s a girl to do? Well, she wears a Vikings tank top underneath her Twins jersey, while jumping up and down and screaming for Torii Hunter’s 30th HR, while getting NFL text updates over the phone, that’s what. (Hunter didn’t get it by the way, close but no cigar). But if your rookie pitcher gets flustered and starts giving up runs, thus pulling the score in to a too-close-for-comfort 4-3, then you remove the Vikings tank top and go with a neutral undershirt sometime around the 6th inning to try and shift the power back to the Twins. I love my Vikings, but I will totally sacrifice a win for them early in the season for a win for the Twins who are pushing to take the pennant. It’s true. I call myself a football fan but it all gets thrown out the window (with a safety ladder) during the MLB playoff race. Call me two-faced, but it’s a precarious line. Oh, and before you ask I did not get any love from Morneau, just some gratuitous warm-up shots. Yum!

Here’s to a Twins/Mets series! In other news, I hit my peak in marathon training this weekend. 23 miles. Twenty-three mother fucking miles on Saturday morning. 4 hours and 1 minute of continuous running. Ok, I totally walked through the stairs and the intersections on the last mile and plus there were two bathroom-breaks and 1 water stop spread out over the run. All told it was 4 hours and 9 minutes. I wasn’t mentally ready for that run, I was in NY for most of last week and was only able to get one training run in. Not to mention the fact that I came home totally exhausted from my trip. I just could not psych myself up for it and it’s true what they say, it’s all mental…so I was scared and so nervous, even as of 6am Saturday morning. It wasn’t until mile 14 that I felt confident that I could finish the run. It went well for me, I’ve been sore in the days following, but I stayed in it and finished strong and didn’t once question myself as to why I am doing this. So bring it on! I am so ready for Marine Corps. 5 weeks to go…and it’s all downhill from here!

Don't Let Me Down

2006-09-15T13:03:00.000-04:00

So much going on and nothing going on all at the same time. I don't know if I feel like I have nothing to say because I am overwhelmed or if I feel like all I am thinking about are the same three (well, five if we're counting) things. How can I be overwhlemed if there are only five things going on in my life and two of them really have nothing to do with me (I mean, does the newly surging pennant race really affect me?)? An example from Thing #1: I have a pace-tastic 17 mile run tomorrow. Whereby "pace-tastic" means I get to try out my projected marathon pace on a portion of the run. Preferrably at the end portion of the run, you know...when you are ready to stop. Preferable to whom, I do not know. An example from Thing #2: Hot damn I want to get myself to Chicago. Hotter damn I want to be entertained while I am there. An example from Thing #3: 5 conferences in 10 weeks. Hence, the "overwhelmed" thing. An example from Thing #4: One.game.back. An example from Thing #5: A make-shift receiving corps could actually prove to be effective if a certain wide out can learn to actually catch a ball.

...overwhelmed feeling continues...

Johnson’s Revenge

2006-09-12T12:34:00.000-04:00

Skol, Vikings! Let's win this game. Skol, Vikings! Honor your name. Go get that first down, then get a touchdown, Rock 'em, sock 'em, fight, fight, fight, fight! Skol , Vikings! Run out the score; You'll hear us yell for more. V-I-K-I-N-G-S! Skol , Vikings, let's go!

GAME NOTES ~Best seats I've ever had for a football game. I am so spoiled. ~It wasn’t a pretty game on either side. Good thing (for me) ugly still counts. ~Red zone. Was it superior red zone D by the Vikes or completely ineffective offense from the Skins? ~Geezer Bowl. Although older, Johnson looked good and Brunell looked fat--yet was still able to scramble for a couple of first downs. The blubber probably protected him when he decided to take a dive rather than a slide in the 1st quarter.
~How many balls did Williamson drop exactly? My god. ~Ya think MIN will learn to stop running the damn ball up the middle? If you keep running into a wall idiots, go the fuck around it. They were much more successful on end-arounds and shuffle passes up the sideline. ~The halftime festivites were actually very well done. It was pretty moving. The flags, the spontaneous U-S-A! chants, 90,000+ people singing God Bless America....very cool.

~Why did I get 8 separate text messages alerting me to the fact that Tom Cruise was at the game? Do I care? No. But I did blame him for all the penalties. ~My boys better keep up that 3rd down conversion percentage, I think that’s what saved them last night. ~Section 103 is the nicest section ever. Best Skins fans I’ve ever encountered.

The Baby Bananas Guide to the 2006 NFL season (part 2)

2006-09-06T12:18:00.000-04:00

Here is where we continue where we left off yesterday with Part 1, with a firm understanding of the very basics of football we can move on to who actually matters in the wacky world of professional football... THE HYPE What? Hype over football? Yes. I know, I know. You can’t escape it. It’s the price we pay for playing just one game per week. It leaves the other six days open to gross prognostication, berating, smack-talking and armchair quarterbacking. With 4 weeks of pre-season, the hype is unbearable. That is why were are so glad for Thursday's opener to be upon us. Put up or shut up. Heh, I just typoed that as “shit up”. Quite a different effect, eh? THE DEFENDING SUPERBOWL CHAMPS – That would be the Pittsburgh Steelers, quarterbacked by Ben Roethlisberger. His summertime motorcycle accident should have no effect on his game, so feel free to tell off those that say he’ll suck. If he does, it won’t be for that reason, maybe it’ll be because of his recent appendectomy. Seriously, is this guy doomed, or what? Superbowl MVP, Hines Ward is will still be carrying the ball for Pitt, and Palomalu will be mucking it up on defense. But they lost Antwaan Randle El to the Redskins and Jerome Bettis to retirement. THE BRIDESMAID – Peyton Manning and his Indianapolis Colts. Can MasterCard do a spot with the team in bridesmaid dresses? Please! Just think, Brady and Roethlisberger can be the bride and groom (Brady is the girl, if there was question) and then entire Colts team can be the wedding party. You think Dungy would dress up in frills? Anyway, look for another offensively dominating season from the Colts. They aren’t going to start sucking anytime soon. But their best running back, Edgerrin James, left for the Arizona Cardinals which does not speak highly of hopes to win a ring this year. Keep those dresses boys. D-Caf! CINDERELLA - The New Orleans Saints are on everyone’s list as the golden child this year. They are back home and under a new coaching staff. Could you write a better story? Sure, make sure they win and make sure Reggie Bush lives up to the hype. Do I sound cynical? Good. SPOILERS --> The Green Bay Packers. Just kidding! Testing you to see if you silly kids are still paying attention. Brett Favre and his Packers have pretty much no tools in their shed, their season will be like trying to build Ikea furniture with thumb tacks and silly string, you think it might work but eventually it will all come tumbling down. However, in true spoiler fashion look for them to wreak some havoc on teams looking for playoff berths late in the season. Cheeseheads are assholes like that. I am not biased. --> The Carolina Panthers, should make a run for this show this season. Coach John Fox rivals Belichick in brilliance. A more than solid defense and my fantasy QB, Jake Delhomme (think Brett Favre, but younger and with less interceptions) will win their division easily. --> Terrell Owens is an asshole. A talented, mother fudging asshole. There is only one person in the NFL that I would think could curb his assholio ways, Bill Parcells. Hmmm. Curious. Oh, Dallas Cowboys, I wonder what will happen with yew. --> Miami will look to threaten with Daunte Culpepper at QB, it seems his knee is all healed from last season’s explosion. The coaching staff is there, and while the talent seems to be there too, they still have a lot to prove. --> Everyone says poor LaDainian Tomlinson, one of the league’s best RBs on an average team. Hello, that's you, San Diego Chargers. You have so much potential. isn't it about time? But Philip Rivers as QB? I have a feeling he might just surprise us. EVERYONE ELSE – Sorry to lump the rest of the league in one paragraph here, but this is getting long! AFC East --> The New England Patriots will continue to be strong behind coach Bill Belichick and QB Tom Brady. Brady is no longer overrated, he’s the real-deal. --> To be any sort of challenge at all, the Bills in Buffalo will be putting a lot of pressure on RB McGahee and QB Jim Kelly. Whoops. Jim Kelly is retired and like 70. Who’s the QB in Buffalo? Exactly. --> Penni and the Jets will continue on as they have, that is with mediocrity. Does Pennington even have a shoulder left? AFC North -->The Cincinnati Bengals are consistently not-sucking, and by not-sucking I mean good! Let’s see if Palmer is all better after last season’s late knee injury--with Kitna gone from the back up spot, the team’s hopes kind of rest on that. --> Baltimore’s Ravens will need more than Ray Lewis to stay in contention. If he’s healthy, expect some big wins, but not enough to matter. --> In Cleveland, the Browns (who wear orange, go figure) will most likely be sucking again. AFC South --> It blows that the Jacksonville Jaguars have a tougher than average schedule and share a division with the Colts. They are kinda stuck until Peyton and Dungy decide to implode. --> Why does Texas get two teams? Especially when the Houston Texans are so bad. Even if their QB was half-way decent, he very well can’t throw from the prone position people. --> However, the Tennessee Titans will battle them for the sucktitude title. No longer hiding behind iron-man Steve McNair (who is now throwing for the Ravens), you will see all the ugly that’s fit for television. AFC West --> Is it just me, or are other people also surprised with the consistent level of play of the Kansas City Chiefs? They are always good, but don’t ever seem to do anything about it. Expect more of the same. QB Trent Green will put up good numbers, Tony Gonzalez will dazzle at tight end and I hear they’ve improved the defensive line. Somehow though, it all seems so blah. --> For me, the Denver Broncos are the opposite…frequently gritty and dazzling all at the same time, you expect them to win ‘em all. And yet they don’t. But they’re still good. Has Plummer cut his coif yet? Maybe that’s the key… --> The Oakland Raiders are just proof that full-of-talent cry babies (see Randy Moss, Jerry Porter) do not a team make. You have a sick stadium, but that won't get you in the playoffs. NFC East --> Tiki Barber will continue to hold on to the ball and the veteran-laden New York Giants should rally behind him. Game to watch, Eli Manning v. Peyton Manning for Indy’s home opener on 9/10. The two QB’s have never played against each other before. Mama Manning, start your tears. --> I’d like to see the Philadelphia Eagles play spoiler to the division, but I don’t know how much hope I should hold out for McNabb and company. Nice to have the cancer out of the locker room, though. --> Time for Gibbs to put up or shut up, the Washington Redskins can’t skate by the skin of their teeth any longer. Points are what win football games, no matter how solid your D is. NFC North --> Purple pride has got a new coach and a new owner. Let’s hope it doesn’t take the Minnesota Vikings a year to gel. Brad Johnson, while not a long-term QB, can be effective. Let’s also hope he stays healthy and the rest of them team stays off drugs and party boats. --> Da Bears are good. Well, solid. But like everyone else I am curious to see how Grossman pans out. If he's all that he touted to be...look out. But their backup QB is now Griese. And Griese never brings anything good with him. I wonder why Orton was bumped to third? --> So with a new coach and crazy Mike Martz, do the Detroit Lions get another three rebuilding years? Looks like it. NFC South --> Chuckie (Coach John Gruden) is still at it over at the Tampa Bay Bucaneers HQ. Cadillac Williams and a couple of decent receivers will try to keep them in it offensively. An excellent defense will keep them in the thick of it, but like the Redskins, you need points to win. --> I am sick of people saying the Atlanta Falcons’ Michael Vick is dangerous. Surely he can’t be as dangerous as his brother, Marcus Vick, can he? I mean is he packing under those pads? NFC West --> The Seattle Seahawks have no reason not to continue where they left off last season, that is with a SuperBowl loss but also with a fantastic season led by league MVP Shaun Alexander. Plus how fun is it to say Lofa Tatupu? I wish Seattle made a play for Polamalu in the off-season. How many tougue-tied announcers would we have in a safety blitz in that situation? --> The Arizona Cardinals are the new Bengals. Yeah, I said it. Denny Green, Edgerrin James, Anquan Boldin, a future QB in Matt Leinhart. Give ‘em a year or a reason (season-ending QB injury? It worked for Cinci and Chicago) to be good. But no, I totally have Warner on my fantasy team, no injuries please. Lots of TDs and yards, thank you. Kuuuurt! Dump your butch wife! --> I am unsure of the Rams, they always seem to have so much potential and can never break through. Was it Martz or lack o' Martz? I guess we’ll see now that he is really gone. --> So do you think the San Francisco 49ers will suck worse than the Browns? Yeah, I think so too. Can anyone take a guess as to who will be attending the Monday night Redskins home-opener? Your resident Vikings fan, that’s who! Bring on Johnson’s revenge! And no, I don’t mean a fiery STD. Heh. Ew.

The Baby Bananas Guide to the 2006 NFL season (part 1)

2006-09-05T17:18:00.000-04:00

Yes, folks, it’s time for another installment in the Baby Bananas Guide to… series. Over here at Baby Bananas, we not only like to bake, but we also love to watch football until our wives threaten to divorce us. But not just any football, NFL football. And not just any NFL football, but regular-season football. Screw pre-season. Pre-season is for suckahs. With that being said, regular-season football begins this Thursday, thank the Lord (who in this case would be Vince Lombardi, not Lord Stanley…we still have a few more weeks before the hockey starts up). We are keeping this basic; we want to bring the NFL to the masses of peeps that don’t normally care. So if you are one of the ones that do care, yay! However, you may find this to post to be quite pedantic and elementary (well, at first anyway…feel free to skip ahead, or wait for tomorrow). You have been warned. Learn the football. Love the football. THE BASICS AFC v. NFC – The NFL is made up of two conferences; the AFC (American Football Conference) and the NFC (National Football Conference). Most people would agree that the AFC is the dominant conference. The NFC is just a bit more stocked with weaker teams. The only reason this matters is that teams only play outside of their conference 4 games out of 16 – thus making the AFC schedule inherently tougher. DIVISIONS – Within each conference are 4 divisions. East, North, South and West. And they actually follow loose geographical guidelines (I say “loose” because there are anomalies like Dallas. The Cowboys are an NFC East team and the last time I checked Texas was not situated any where near the Atlantic Ocean). SCORING – Unless you’ve been living in a box, this should not be news (but if you are living in a box, kudos for learning about football!). There are five ways to score (Five! God, I wish it were that easy!) in an NFL game. Touchdown (6 points) – A ball is carried into an opponent's end zone or caught in the end zone (that is, the “zone” with the pretty writing at each end of the field). Extra Point (1 point) – A ball is kicked through the uprights of the opponent's goalpost after a touchdown. Look for the really tall yellow thingys in each end zone. Two-Point Conversion (2 points) – A less popular way to garner extra points after the touchdown. A ball is carried into an opponent's end zone or caught in the end zone after a touchdown, This occurs in lieu of trying for the extra point. Field Goal (3 points) – A ball is kicked through the uprights of the opponent's goalpost. If it doesn’t seem likely the team will score a touchdown, they will decide to go for the field goal instead. Safety (2 points) – A player tackles an opposing player in the opposing player's own end zone. This doesn’t happen that often, you definitely won’t see it every weekend. THE TEAM – Each NFL team is allotted 53 spots on it’s roster. At any given time, only 11 of those players are allowed on the field. There are three sub-divisions on each team to which everyone fits (some players, like Dante Hall of the Kansas City Chiefs, can fit into two or more of these; he returns kicks and also lines up as a wide receiver). Offense – The quarterback, the running back, the receivers, the offensive line (the center, guards and tackles). These are the people that are trying to score points. In 2005, the Seattle Seahawks led the league in scoring, averaging 28.3 points per game. Defense – Defensive Linemen, linebackers, cornerbacks and safeties. These are the people trying to stop the Offense from scoring points. Last year, the Chicago Bears and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers had two of the league’s best defenses. Special Teams – No they are not retarded. We're talking about the placekicker, the punter and the kick returner as well as those that line up on the field during these (kicking) scenarios. The longest field goal of last year belonged to Michael Koenen of the Atlanta Flacons, who made a 58-yarder against the New England Patriot defense. It was his first NFL attempt. Part 2, to be uploaded tomorrow where we break down who's who in each division. Stay tuned.

Baby, I need your lovin'

2006-09-01T12:33:00.000-04:00

Oh, the girly parts in me are screaming, just screaming!

And there are those shoes that I have been coveting from Christian Louboutin since April. Well, it seems that our good friend, Steve Madden, makes a similar knock-off that is about $300 cheaper than Christian's version. AND, as of two weeks ago, DSW had them for $90. AND, AND! they are actually comfortable, 4.25" heel and all.

Le sigh. Le want.

125.7

2006-08-31T12:08:00.000-04:00

That is, the number of miles I ran throughout the month of August. Which happens to be over 10.5 more miles than what I did in July (and I missed a 14-miler this month, the morning after my birthday)! But, I’ve only bagged three scheduled runs this month. I rearranged the schedule and skipped two short ones when I went to Atlanta and then that long(ish) one after my birthday (but I sucked it up and got the important 18 miles in before I went to Georgia). I feel pretty good about that. Let’s hope I still feel good come Saturday. For in less than 48 hours I will be running 20 miles. Continuously. Without stopping (I hope). I think I would feel better about the prospect of running twenty miles if my hamstring wasn’t acting up. Since I ran the 18-miler, the scar tissue in my hamstring has been giving me shit. It only seems to come into play after longer runs or when I run 2-3 days in a row. Like this morning, I am having trouble keeping still just sitting here because the hammy is making me all sorts of uncomfortable. I really hope this doesn’t interfere with my training. September looks to be a bigger month than August, with both the twenty mile run as well as a twenty-two miler on the schedule. Ack! I peak in three weeks, then comes the taper and then comes the race. But I’ve had two bagels this week and a piece of pecan pie with no sign of Baby Buddha in sight. Hell, the other day I had two full cups of brown rice with my chicken and broccoli because I was so damned hungry. Say what you will, but marathon training sure does have its benefits.

A picture is worth a thousand words?

2006-08-28T18:06:00.000-04:00

Shit, then I've been writing a lot lately. I've been very photo-happy as of late. I wonder what's up with that. Maybe August was just a supreme photo op of a month. I've really got nothin' today. The headaches, while less frequent, just won't go away completely. And I just can't get over taking prescribed medicine for it. I am a freak, I know. Had a really awesome 16-miler on Saturday. Left me with a raging headache, but the run itself was awesome. I really hope that it's a good sign for this weekend's 20-miler. Eeep. I am desperate to get myself to Chicago, and (and!) the airfare gods are with me (for once) now if I can just swing an invitation... Joined my second fantasy football league today. Team name? Can You Sign My Melons. I think I am going to go out to watch the blowing up of the Wilson Bridge tonight. What's more fun than watching shit (annoying shit) get blown up? Can't think of a single thing... I am procrastinating starting my 8-mile tempo run right now. Someone told me it's humid out there. Blech.

Joe Mauer Justin Morneau I'm gonna press my lops* against you...

2006-08-25T16:31:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I may have a new baseball boyfriend, ‘cept he’s not as hot as my old one but damn, is he charming. The Scene August 24 Orioles v. Twins Game 3 of a split three-game series Twins need to stay hot to stay in the Wild Card race—the White Sox had just pulled a 10 run shutout over the Tigers earlier in the day My little bro had procured 1st and 2nd row visitor’s dugout seats to said game in celebration of his Leo sisters’ birthdays. We are all beyond excited. Best seats we’ve ever had for a Twins game, by far. Anticipation was huge. annnnnd action! We actually made it out of DC with relative ease (read minimal traffic) and were in our seats while the team was still stretching. Would have liked to see batting practice, but impossible for a weekday game. Perhaps for the weekend series in September? So, the seats? Amazing. Those are my badly pedicured feet there on the dugout. I mean, how much better can you get?

Every guy rounding third, right there. The entire team, as they come in off the field, right there. Torii Hunter gave us a “what’s up” nod. Nick Punto mouthed a little “hey”. And as I leaned over the dugout to see who was standing on the steps just as the game was getting underway…who did I see? Johan Santana! Ace extraordinaire! What do I do at this point? Well of course I screamed “Oh! My! God! Hi! Johan!” To which he turns, looks at me, gives the cutest little wave and says “Hi”. Ohmigod! Santana said “hi” to me. I’ve never been one to be star struck, but I think I got weak in my knees. It was such a heartfelt “hi”. With a wave! Sigh.

So the game gets underway, Castillo leads off with a single. Punto advances him with a beauty of a bunt. Hottie Joe Mauer then clears the bases with a double that erred into a triple. I think it was so he could stand there bent over on the third base line for me. 2 – nothing. Just like that. Torii Hunter gets up to bat and we chant “Torii! Torii!”. He glances over his shoulder as if to say “Shut up”. I love it! Non-verbal communication with the players. How friggin cool is that?

Ok, so I am not going to rehash the game pitch-by-pitch. But I could. But I won’t. There are box scores for that. You may not get the benefit of me screaming “Booooooof” for every pitch thrown by Bonser (btw, way to step up dude!), but hey that’s your loss. So the other highlight of the game, you know besides the time that Cy-Young winner and possible future hall of famer, Johan Santana totally waved and said hi to me in a totally sincere and possibly I-think-you’re-hot kind of way, we got Justin Morneau to smile. Insert shock and awe here. Seriously. The man never smiles. Not even when knocking in the winning run. Not after his home run last night. Just never. So he made have found himself near our end of the dugout last night sometime in the middle of the 6th inning, looking for his glove before he headed over to first. Me: “Hey Justin! You know…you could smile any day now!” (Might I mention they were up 7-0 and Justin himself had already blasted a solo HR in the 3rd, it was a good day, you know?) Justin glances up towards us and gives a little grin. He then ducked back in the dugout to grab the glove and upon emerging I think my brother yelled out “I mean it’s 7-nuthin!” to which Morneau responds with this wide-ass grin. Soooo cute.

*NOTE: We this photo was snapped RIGHT AFTER we got him to smile. We thought we had broke him. Look at him, all Smiley McSmilerson over there on 1st base.

The bottom of the 6th is played. Boof quickly retires the inning. As Morneau trots in from the infield, we are up and cheering them in, offering words of ~~encouragement~~ annoyance, he pauses at the steps of the dugout near home plate scans the seats, finds us and tosses the ball over. A game ball, touched by MVP candidate, Justin Morneau! Holy Geez! I’ve never gotten a game ball ever in my life. Never even been near one. Now I am holding one, tossed to me ON PURPOSE by Justin Morneau. By now, our entire section hates us. Oh well, we are having the time of our lives.

Cut to the 8th, the Twins knock in 4 more runs. Score is now 11-2, we are beyond ecstatic. After Crain closes out the 8th for us with three up, three down, Morneau again jogs in from his first base spot, stops just before heading intot he dugout and scans the first row. Bypassing countless children who are much closer to him, he (again) tosses us the ball. My sister catches it. Two game balls! Delivered to us personally by Justin Morneau! I am never going to be this lucky again, ever! Twins win, 11-2 and end the game on a double play. /End scene. Good times, good times.

So...who should it be?

*"I can dream about you I'm gonna press my lops against you..." is a lovely quote off a lovely pink diary from the lovely Megan who procured said diary in the lovely Czech Rebublic. Apparently, the CR loves putting English phrases on tee-shirts (and diaries). Well, they like putting their version of English on things. And Megan, knowing how much I love the engrish, sent along this diary, with this very amusing quote on it, to me, for my birthday. Thanks Megan! To what "lops" was translated from, I do not know. Perhaps they mean "lips"? Would that make too much sense?

My milkshake brings all the peeps to the bar

2006-08-22T17:39:00.000-04:00

I want to recap my birthday, but I feel I just won’t do it justice. Aside from some pain that just plain refuses to leave confines of my skull, I had a perfect week. Ok. Bring on the sentence fragments! Birthday coffee delivered to my desk (D-Mac if that ever stops, it will be the saddest birthday ever, because I just love it so). I was the recipient of multiple, virtual, e-presents in the form of birthday cake, some oddly arranged (partially dead) flowers, a wine and cheese basket, and a jet so I can take off to visit Chicago anytime I feel like it. Hmmm....multiple birthday songs left as voice messages as well as some that were actually sung in person (you guys sang at the bar for me!). A birthday text message arriving before 5am in the morning (swoon). Special lunch dates with the awesomest of company (The Mansion on O Street and Spezie are now two of my new faves). Cupcakes in the form of stars, stars! Star cupcakes that proclaimed my hotness, my sweetness and other fab things that are probably not true about me. One of the largest birthday happy hours that I’ve ever organized (I still can’t believe you all came!) complete with a friggin Nats ice cream helmet sundae from the lovely Sweet, because she understands how serious I am about my cause. Yes I had ice cream for dinner on my birthday--and star cakes, well the icing anyway, and a club sandwich! What are you going to do about it? And I am sorry to everyone that was exposed to my boobs. Yes, I wore a boobalicious dress, I did not mean to take it out on you. Ok, maybe I did. My boobs are nothing, if not for you. But you all made up for it anyway, what with all the middle fingers pointed to the camera. There was a baby gorilla for this baby banana and lo, look at that, they actually still make banana clips, who knew? There was a Twins win over the White Sox and then game 2 of the Yankees five-game sweep that someone may or may not have called me a bitch over. Whatever, all’s fair in love and the Wild Card race. After the baseball there was barroom dancing. No, not ballroom dancing. Barroom dancing. You know, where you dance all silly and/or dirty with your girls in makeshift space while everyone around you sits on bar stools and watches or pays no attention whatsoever. There was sleeping in on Saturday with no pressure to run for 53 hours. Crepes were enjoyed with a lovely Bugger over coffee and then bad backgammon game was played over wine and then wine and popcorn and hummus (Lebanese Taverna hummus no less!) were had over a bad movie. Has to be the best post-birthday recovery, ever. Fondue and cake with the family is nice, especially when you get to take half the cake home to eat for breakfast and/or dinner in the days following the celebration. Next up? I am soooo looking forward to the O’s v. Twins* on Thursday, but let’s be honest…it’s all about the seats, 2nd row visitor’s dugout baby. Joey Mauer is gonna be mine. I wonder if he likes bananas. Ok, I’ll shut up now. *If anyone has an extra $55 to go to the game with three raging Twins fans. Hit me up imbabybanana(at)gmail(dot)com. I am not lying about the location of the seats either. Yum. Buggie, you still broke, or can you go? Oh, and I am aware that this post is so very, unabashedly, me, me, me in nature. I have 115 pictures from the happy hour that I am trying deperately to upload and create a gallery for, but I am having technical difficulties. I promise that there are pictures of other people. Well me, with other people anyway. I love you? I do. I love you. My friends are amazing.

Nothing says "birthday" like...

2006-08-21T12:40:00.000-04:00

...a club sandwich? An update with photographic evidence to come soon, if Blogger decides to like me anytime before I turn 34. Awesome birthday weekend people. Just awesome.

Do halfsies count?

2006-08-18T12:16:00.000-04:00

I never had big birthday parties growing up. Also, having a summertime birthday meant no cupcakes and goodie bags to share with your classmates. No off-tune birthday song sung by 20 nine-year olds and one adult where half the crowd yells that you smell like a monkey and look like one too. Birthdays at my house were a family affair; always saved for the weekend and marked by your favorite dinner (as a child it was roast beef, cooked carrots and mashed potatoes—no gravy, just margarine), favorite cake (yellow cake with tons of dark chocolate frosting ala Duncan Heinz) and the grandparents coming over. Perhaps that’s why nowadays I like to have a big ol’ happy hour on the day-of. Or maybe that’s just because I am an alcoholic. What? I didn’t say that. Pass me my vodka. Anyway, back to birthday rituals. I guess I had lamented this point as I got older (Who me? Lament over my birthday? Whaa?) so one day, February 18 to be exact, my very best friend, Ginny, decided to take matters into her own hands. I arrived at my 10th-grade locker that day to find it covered in streamers with confetti strewn about the aisle in front of it, and my girlfriend standing there holding a large bouquet of Mylar balloons emblazoned with “Happy Birthday” in every conceivable color. Confused and stunned. Or more stunned than confused, as streamer-ed lockers were not uncommon at this age--I knew what they were for…I just had never seen it applied to my locker before. Before I could utter a word, Ginny yells out “Happy Half Birthday!” I took a second to think and do some slow math in my head. Wow. February 18 is exactly six months before (and after) my birthday. I am exactly 15.5 years old today. Holy crap. This is the coolest fucking thing ever. I hug her and then proceed to act embarrassed beyond all belief. Hello! I was too cool to be giddy. But I was. Giddy. Excited. Over the moon. I had birthday wishes coming out of my ears that day. It was awesome. That’s the one good thing about joining the workforce – no summer vacations; thereby everyone is around to wish you a happy birthday. And pick you up so you don’t have to take the Metro to work and then bring you venti lattes--like D-Mac did today (grin). I love it.

Oh God! What to do now?

2006-08-16T17:16:00.000-04:00

So, yeah, remember when date #3 happened? Well, now I am past a very lovely “date” #4... ...and he’s still calling. [twiddling my thumbs]

Really? I mean the caption just writes itself

2006-08-15T17:58:00.000-04:00

Do I take a crack at it? Heh, crack at it. Hahaha. It's just so easy and people much funnier than I have already thrown their crass captions into the ring. But we're talking endless opportunities here people. Hey, how about I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours?

Gentlemen, start your engines. Birthday week has begun...

2006-08-14T18:01:00.000-04:00

...and what an awesome start. Last night, I was sent home from Georgia with a nice birthday song right there at US Airways Gate 43. How cool to get an escort to the gate (especially these days – hello, no lip gloss or mascara!) and then have your escorts sing you a quiet, little “Happy Birthday” ditty? Very cool in my book, makes me all blushy. Today, R took me out for a super fab (and super long) birthday lunch at The Mansion on O Street. Add spinach ravioli, decadent scallops and potatoes, salt and pepper shrimp, cherry cobbler, apple crisp and many, many fabulous hats and other eccentricities and this is what you get…

…good start! Can’t wait for the finish!!

It's gettin' hot in herre

2006-08-10T17:11:00.000-04:00

So, I am off to Hotlanta for the weekend, should be a busy, fun-filled trip. I’ve never been, but I am at the complete mercy of the people I’ll be with, so don’t bother offering up ideas for places to check out (speaking of mercy, does anyone have a suggestion for a killer white wine? I drink red so I got nothin’). But, I am totally ok with this arrangement of having no say. Seems this little banana likes being told where to go and when to get there…who knew? While I am away, Buggie, DCSportsChick and Fred the Chanuck will be attending the Nats v. Mets game without me. Instead our contest winner, Contestant #1 (or C#1), will take my place. He brought the snark, which weighed heavily in this close contest. When told of his good fortune and asked if he was still available to attend the game he replied “Yes I can still attend… I wouldn’t have entered if I couldn’t have made it to the game!”. C#1, now things come up. Your girlfriend/hook up/sister may have become your baby mama for all we know! You could have been visiting from Egypt, skipping classes and bam! Arrested! But we did ask for the smart ass, and people it looks like we got what we asked for. Let’s hope for good times. I’ll leave you with a little candy to tide you over until next week. Pictures from last weekend. No wonder it was so hot…

The lovliness that is Jen, now with Internet visability! We be some freckly bitches.

Me and T#1 squishing her sister, T#2

Buggie, Harms, me and some big cheese. We have purty teeth.

T#1 and Clussy (with Buggie in the back) try to out cheese us.

What's a weekend without fun with farm animals... ...or funny faces for that matter?

p.s. eeeeeeeep! I almost totally forgot! I am attempting to squeeze in my 18-miler, scheduled for Saturday, tomorrow. By myself. 18 miles of solitude. No one around. Well, there will be people--other vacationing or non-working types. But not people running with me, at my pace, keeping me company, and pushing me to go on. Ack! Ok, I am not attempting. I am doing. I am doing an 18 mile run tomorrow. Sigh. I’ll let you know how it goes.

shhhhh

2006-08-10T08:56:00.000-04:00

15-Day World Disabled List?

2006-08-07T17:27:00.000-04:00

***UPDATE*** Thanks to the guys over at WaPo Express for picking up my wonderings in The Blog Log this morning (and also to Jennifer and Velvet for pointing it out to me). But...but...no one has come forth to tell me if I am crazy or not! Did I dream it or is it real? Is there a DL list for world leaders? I want to know! I also want to get in on the fantasy action if such a list exists. Fantasy for politicos! Think of it, I could make a fortune designing a roto league for uppity (read: rich), over-zealous Demo's and Republicans. Now I could have dreamed this (but why?) or, more likely, I could have incorporated two or more news casts into one. It was, after all, 5:15 am. As I’ve stated before, I wake up to NPR. Listening to something dynamic, with a storyline helps me wake a bit easier--music is just to easy too “snooze”. So anyway, this morning I swear I heard someone rattling off a disabled list of sorts of our world leaders. It sounded something like this (I am illustrating here, as it was 5am and brain function is fairly non-existent at that hour): Fidel Castro (unknown) Ariel Sharon (stroke) Fuad Saniora (tears) Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador (finger) from vote counting You get the picture, it went on and on. But it was someone reading a list of world leaders who were otherwise not available due to illness/injury. I swear I am not making this up, but a search of today’s NPR programming didn’t turn anything up. Seriously. Does Bush need a DL to see who he can play on his world fantasy team today? “Got to sit Blair today, he’s out with a pulled hammy.” I am not usually up at this hour; does this list get recited everyday? Is it even real? Does anyone know what I am talking about?

Don't speak so soon

2006-08-04T17:55:00.000-04:00

So, remember when I said that running was interfering with my drinking? Well, I may have spoken too soon. Or rather not qualified that statement enough. It seems that running is only interfering with my Friday drinking. Outside of Friday, I don't seem to have a problem imbibing at all. *There was free wine and beer at the Fiona Apple concert on Monday (thanks again, Bug): *Tuesday I had a day off from drinking. *Wednesday there was an office outing that included beer starting at 1pm. By 5pm, this is what we were dealing with:

*Thursday there was an office happy hour (not to be confused with an office outing), whereby "hour" = 5.

*And now there is tonight, Friday, where I am not drinking so as not to interfere with my run tomorrow. Wait! Running is interferring with my drinking...I am so confused. I need a drink. In other news: We have three contestants for the Why I am Worthy of a Free Baseball Ticket Contest. I have cleverly dubbed them, Contestant #1, Contestant #2 and Contestant #3. So we are feverishly assigning and docking them points to see who will be the winner. There is time, though if anyone else wants to enter!

Meet the Mets Contest! Cash and Prizes!

2006-08-01T12:16:00.000-04:00

PRIZE: Ok, so there is no cash. But there IS an evening with Buggie, DCSportsChick and her hubby, Fred the Chanuck at the newly re-opened RFK watching our very own Washington Nationals take on the New York Mets, Saturday, August 12. WHY: Alas, I will be in Atlanta. So I am auctioning off my seat. Let me tell you, these are three of the best people in this town to go to a ballgame with—you don't want to miss it. Plus, we're talking killer seats. No nosebleeds here. HOW TO WIN: Submit the contest entry form, Why I am Worthy of a Free Baseball Ticket. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Why I am Worthy of a Free Baseball Ticket (and also the company of three of the coolest people in DC)

Points will be awarded for snarkiness and/or hotness.

Cut and paste these questions along with your answers and send to the email address below. Name: Are you hot or otherwise damned fine looking? (Please attach a picture so our judges can tell if you are lying) Do you like David Wright? Do you like Ryan Church*? Are you prepared to fight to the death over one or both of these athletes? Do you know what a balk is? What was the last baseball game you attended? Will you buy Buggie a beer or an icee to keep her cool in the hot August sun? Please detail your tailgaiting prowess: Send your entry to:

imbabybanana(at)gmail(dot)com

And don't forget your picture!

Your judges:

From left to right: Marci, Buggie, DCSportsChick, and Fred the Chanuck

*Buggie says that people who enjoy the vision that is Ryan Church will be disqualified, so chose your answer wisely.

115.1

2006-07-31T12:13:00.000-04:00

I ran one hundred, fifteen and one tenth miles in the month of July. Holy mother of ~~God~~ Pre. I do believe that this is the highest monthly mileage I have ever recorded in my life and…ANNND!...the first eight days of the month I was on vacation and was only able to squeeze in 2 quick runs, so this mileage is down from where it should be. Absolutely insane--although this is also the first month where I’ve actually felt that I was training for a marathon. The mileage only goes up from here. Eeep. Speaking of marathon training, it’s official folks. Running is now officially interfering with my drinking. ! gasp ! I went to a happy hour on Friday, initially telling myself that it was more to see the hotness that is Jen, than to partake of libations (seriously girl, I would have given it to you right there. Smokin’). But after smelling the wafting aroma of a deep red wine and watching Jen sip on her vodka sodas I found myself in a quandary. I reeeeaaaalllllly wanted an adult beverage. Instead, I opted for water and a plate of hummus and toasted pita. I did eventually cave in to my craving, but only with half a beer, followed by a pitcher of water. Plus, I was in bed by 10:15. All of this because I knew if I drank and/or stayed out late, it would adversely effect my Saturday morning run. My drinking is being compromised people! What to do? Although, to make myself feel better about this scenario, I did what any self-respecting drinker would do; I imbibed, alone, at my home, all weekend long. Let me just tell you that a tall vodka over ice, mixed with lemonade and a splash of lemon/lime seltzer is a mighty fine summertime drink. Thank you Safeway for having lemonade and lemon/lime seltzer on sale for me to mix with my vodka, it made for a very interesting night of Family Guy, dancing around the condo with the iPod on (Gah! I don’t have nearly enough booty shaking music on there!), and drunken texts and phone calls to Chicago. On tap tonight? Fiona Apple at Wolftrap (thanks to this girl). Hopefully I won’t melt out there. Fee! We love you! You moved like honey in my dream last night Yeah, some old fires were burning You came near to me and you endeared to me But you couldn't quite discern me

I've got my mind on my money and my money...er...wait, no I don't

2006-07-28T13:21:00.000-04:00

I’ve had a hard time coming up with the usual random garbage that I am normally able to spew forth at the drop of a hat. My mind is completely consumed with three things… 1. Baseball. The resurgence of the Twins (33 wins in their last 41 games), the impending flurry of trades that are no doubt going through this weekend, and a tight Wild Card race has got me riveted to mlb.com and SC updates (more motivation to get to the gym where I can watch ESPN). So enthralled am in all tings baseball, that I couldn’t even finish reading an article on the signing of rookie LB Chad Greenway to the Vikings roster. What? What is this? I live for football. I hear the Vikes have switched to West Coast and will be going 3-4 on the D. This is craziness! Yet, I am not ready for it. Baseball has me in it’s throws. 2. Running. After two, very successful Saturday Long Runs (SLRs) I’ve got a formula down for making them as good as they can be. This formula requires me to be especially diligent (some might even say, czar-like) in my mid-week runs. Running five times a week, with currently 30-35 miles put in over those five days, has my mind running almost as much as my legs. 3. A boy. Late-night phone calls and mid-day texting keeps this banana’s brain in a tizzy. At least I have baseball and running to keep me off the obsessive track? Help me, I can’t stop grinning. Happy weekend peoples. Let's hope something exciting happens other than a blockbuster trade or a super (or failed) 12-mile run this weekend...mmmkay?

Know what I think?

2006-07-26T17:07:00.000-04:00

I think MLB Gameday is the best invention ever. And friends who let friends log in to MLB Live are the best friends ever. Morneau hits a two-run homer and Silva has three up, three down in the 5^th!

Score at the top of the 6th? MIN 5 / CWS 3

UPDATE: Twins sweep the White Sox (win today 7 to 4), and pull even in the Wild Card race! They remain 8.5 behind the Tigers as they head into Detroit. Le Sigh. Le Baseball.

Shhhhhh

2006-07-25T12:24:00.000-04:00

There might just be a pennant race going on in the AL Central. Last night the Twins pulled within 2 of the Chicago White Sox. Three home runs were blasted, coming from the vision that is Joe Mauer and teammates Cuddyer and Morneau. Santana pitches today against Contreras and Silva closes the series tomorrow. Then they head up to Detroit this weekend to see if anyone (someone please) can put a dent in the Tigers' record. A little alteration to the rotation will start Liriano, Santana and Rahdke in Motor City – the Twin Cities top three starters with 12, 11 and 9 wins respectively. I think I’ve cut off circulation in my hand crossing my fingers. Speaking locally, I wanted to throw a couple things out there about the grand re-opening of RFK this past weekend. First of all the Lerner group couldn’t have picked a better weekend. The Cubs? Probably the only team outside of the Pirates or the Royals that the Nats could actually sweep – so big points for choosing a winning weekend. The coolest thing, BY FAR, was the President’s race come to life. I really hope they keep that. I put it on par with the hot dog races in Milwaukee. It was that cool—especially after watching the same old cartoon races on the big screen for over a year. The food and beer lines were definitely shorter. I actually got hot french fries and chicken fingers, so kudos there too. But you know what I need Lerner Group? Are you listening? I need helmet sundaes! I need soft serve ice cream in a little Nats batting helmet covered in gooey hot fudge* and sprinkles if I want ‘em. I need this at RFK! Get on it! I need it now. It is the only thing missing from my baseball experience here in the nation’s capital. This weekend was the first time at RFK that I really felt like I was at a real, live, major-league baseball game. A sea of red in the stands. The wave. My section even started it, successfully! Two times around! – and we were led by the security usher dude. How cool is that? So good job new owners, keep it up. I expect great things from you. And by great things I mean Nationals helmet sundaes. *Gooey hot fudge, yes. Molten hot fudge, no. Not that I’ve ever had molten hot fudge, but at Shea they claim they can’t put hot fudge on the helmet sundaes because it will melt the plastic hat. Um. So are you saying that your hot fudge, that you will happily pour over ice cream in a Styrofoam container is SO hot it will melt plastic? Well, what in the hell is it doing to the child’s mouth who is eating it out of the Styrofoam container? Or are you saying that your helmets are so cheap and flimsy that the mere hint of heat will send it into a fit of disintegration? If that is the case, then again…poor kids! All ice cream loving Mets fans must suffer from dioxin poisoning for the heat of their hands must release the toxins into the un-fudged ice cream, right?. So Lerner dudes – don’t store your hot fudge in a volcano or buy cheapo, Chinese-made hats and we’ll get along fine. That is, AFTER you start offering the confection at RFK. Please and thank you.

Half way home and my pager still blowing up. Today I didn't even have to use my A.K.

2006-07-24T12:24:00.000-04:00

I got to say it was a good day. I had the longest run I’ve ever done in my life this Saturday. 16 miles. And it was good. I cannot even convey how fired up I am about this. I was a little bit scared going into this run and I must admit I’ve had doubts about this whole marathon crap, but after Saturday’s run I have to admit I feel pretty good about the whole thing. I mean, if I can do 16 miles with relative ease, I can hit 26.2 by October, right? You all are going to shit when I post my mileage for July. I mean hot damn, I’ve put more miles on my shoes this month than I have my car (which is strangely my litmus test for whether or not I am running a lot) and there is still a week left! Baby Buddha is on his way out. So I get done with my run and I am gulping Gatorade and stretching like a mad woman because, you see, I have to hurry up. A certain group of hotness is already on their way to RFK for Nats/Cubs tailgating fun. And I hate missing out, even if it’s just 10 minutes. I mean, what if someone does something funny in those 10 minutes and I miss it? So I get my shit together in time for an hour's worth of tailgating. And it was worth it. We’re talking Italian Store goodies and beer courtesy of DCSportsChick and the Chanuck. There were Paint-The-Town-Red Jell-o shooters ala Miss M. I must say, that beer & pizza make excellent post-run recovery foods. We get to our, fabulous, behind-homeplate corporate seats (thanks Buggie!) and I am immediately conflicted. Ramirez hits a home run right off the bat. I am excited. Goooo Cubbies! But I am sad, I heart Livan (who hit a double and was batted in with a Soriano triple - how cool is it that our pitcher is batting .270?). He is my favorite Nat for those very reasons. But peer pressure gets me and I convert to a slightly conflicted Nationals fan for the rest of the game. Even when I am texting updates to Cubs Fan, my messages were sent with a favorable DC spin. Not hard considering the Cubs showed their usual level of sucktitude. So I’m easy and succumb to pressure! Get over it. Nats win 7-3. It’s so hard to say goodbye, but I’ve got to. There is more hotness to be had. There are plans for Buggie and I to meet up with certain Dupont loveliness at… …a country bar in bfe Alexandria. (I mean, Bug and I both live in VA and WE got lost!) To say I was apprehensive is an understatement. I do not know country. I do not like country. But I knew I would have fun. How could I not with those two chicks? What I did not expect was the level of fun to be had. Off the charts people. I lasted until 2:30 in the morning (after the run! After game time beer! After the sun and humidity! And after the non-nap!). The bar staff had to literally push us out of the building because we would not leave. I may or may not have learned to two-step. Kinda. I say kinda, because apparently Velvet was much better than I was and may have made my two-step look like the funky chicken. So I may have brought the funk to the country dance floor instead. When in doubt, stick with what you know. And I know how to shake my ass. There is not enough ass shaking in country dancing--although Buggie was able to combine the two quite nicely. Twahts rule! And I am tired. Woo.

A sincere request

2006-07-21T17:06:00.000-04:00

To the people of the D.C. Metro Area: Please, please I implore you! You people that find yourselves in the enclosed spaces of cubicles, restrooms, Metro cars, seedy crawlspaces, I beg you to just please put on some deodorant. Thank you. Odoriferously* yours, Baby Banana *Odoriferous in that I am giving off a scent of Tiffany parfum, of which I am quite dangerously close to running out of. Don't worry, even after it's gone I will still use deodorant.

Sitting with your friends cause y'all remincise, about the days growing up and the first person you kiss

2006-07-19T17:12:00.000-04:00

Why is it that something like a perfectly sweet strawberry can instantly transport you to the summertime of your youth? How is it that this wonderfully ripe strawberry can invoke such happiness? I know tastes and smells get associated with memory, but to get plopped back in time so vividly? I am aware that I am sitting here in my pink, linen pants in front of my computer—barely catching a glimpse of the outside over my cubicle wall. But all of a sudden my mind says I am 9 years old. I am outside, in an old and worn Wonder Woman bathing suit. The sprinklers are on in the front yard, offering relief and entertainment. The soles of my feet are hot and I am hopping from one foot to the other because I have stepped onto the burning pavement to shove a handful of strawberries into my mouth. I can feel the grass in between my toes as I make another pass through the sprinkler. I haven’t stopped to chew; my cheeks are stuffed with the berries. I wash ‘em down with a swig from the hose.

I heart it with a big uncircumsized penis

2006-07-16T02:22:00.000-04:00

I do.(M) She is talking about my new handbag, which is ever so cute. Geez, typing is hard. That sentence took an hour to perfect! (And ha! I said hard. after she named her entry... Dirrty.) BUGGG I only talk about uncircumsized penises? penisii? because she made me look at Google images.!!! Of them...the uncircumsized. (M) I made her look at circumsized ones too. (B) Well I claimed I had never seen one. I guess it's not that easy to determine. Or something. I dunno. I still say clip that shit. (M) NOOO. I say leave it alone!! pooor babies, all traumatized already don't need no snipping. BUT should the father decide his son needs the cut, then he is welcome to it, and also to tend to the wound, because until that shit is healed, I HAVE NO SON! (B) o dyou want to be pregnant, dont' you"?? (MP) What is with the fucking Militaryu Police? I can't type an "M"? WTF? (M) OOh picture time. Am I pretty? Um, Yes Marci, you are a fucking knockout. Now shut it. Penis. (b) Shut the Penis? Ow? Ow! Right? Pretty penis. (M) I dunno. I ain't got one. But I do need a date. With a manly man. I do not have a chicago hottie to look forward to. Tramp. (B) I am so not trampy! No tramps to see...keep walking (M) Marci thinks she is Military Police. But she is no authority figure. NO. Wanna see the wine we are enjoying? Cause it is so goooood. (B)

She says I don't look 10,000 years Old. I say I have a line in the middle of my face. She says I don't have a line on my fucking face. What am I lying? Fuck you Marci. I do too look 8,000 years old. (B)

See, she dropped just 2,000 years in the spacec of one sentence~@!@@!! She is a liar.! She is hot, right? MY WIFE IS A FUCKING HOTTIE! (M) No poilicve.

Ok Whoa. I do not know what she was trying to get across there, but apparently she wants you to think she has good taste. MY WIFE IS HOT! But her's? Meh.. Or should I say, SMOKIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah! Bitches, slide in on that. I make her look at uncircumcized peniiii. And she does it! I rule! (B)

She rules me is all I know. I will look at the peniii, it's true. I peek through ... I can't make this soiund innicent at all. Fuck. (M)

Heh. (B)

Pictures? Yes. NOOO!

Fuckin' Blogger. Marci proudly denounces it as a cicimsized bitch. (B)

Meh! Mwh. Mejuhyreihf. bLOGGER HATER ME AND i HATE IT HE FUCKER TOO. ()

Wow. (B)

C'mon? Thar's all you got? You aibn't sober beeyothc. Bring iot. (M)

Marci is a pirate ya'll. no, I ain't sober. I almost fell over in the bathroom, washing my hands. High Life!!! NO, not Miller Marci. More wine. We are gonna have to go to red soon. Damn, three bottles deep. You gonna spoon me tonight? Because I am so lonely. (B)

Ok I was in until the last line:? Lonlet? OOh, sounds scary...can I handle it? I heart the spoon. And I don't mean the utensil (M)\

It sounds scary, because lonely= more than spoon, right? Buut not in this house, babycakes. Bernard takes all that shit. He does. Yes. He loves it. Bernard is a whore. (B)

Blogger no appeove of our photgrAPHIC evidence. They be censoring us bitches!!!!!!! Oh!!! (M)

Hehehehehe/ she makes me laugh. and larf. I feel like writing for a bit. Bear with me. Jewel thinks everybody needs someone sometimmemmememmememem. two three four. I need someone. But someone cool. Marci is gross. She is talking about someones bapotao pants. By that I mean potato apants. Um. If I shake real cute will you give me sugar? Or a million bucks? Huh, will ya? Would you do that for me? I was inj an onlne pretty contest once. Does that make me special? No? FUCK YA! (B)

ME? Should I give you sugar? 4yeesssn SAys Buggie Cuzn I got sugAR to give, n you are hot. mmm yes yoiuare. (M)

I got a ton of splenda. You interested? (B)

Maybe if you ring my bell? Ha. HAAAA? Oh my god I cracj myself up..............Fucking yeah bitches. I love drooler. (M)

Maybe you should stop thinking about you doorbell. I almost drolled n her/ That was me. And the white stripes are influecing her head. Yessir. I liked him in that movie with the cold mountain. It was just so cold. Not brokeback mountain. Jeez. Marci likes naked gay boys. I though they looked like muppets. Is something wrong with me? (BUGGGIE FOREVER)

Wromng? Yes. For sure. Yep. No fieurn doubt. Ypu are forever in my life. And you touched me with yer boobs just now. A!!!! AgIN AND gIN~! (m) nO CONCENTRtion. BoooooooooooooooooooooobsQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (M)O

(B)Not A, C!!!!! C'mon! Marci lost the back of her chair. bUT THERE it was ... gone. I love marci, nx try to show her with pressing of C boobs ,,,, but hse thinks of gin? No. Unsatisfactiry. Hmmmm. Is she gonna spoon me or what. She used to without hesitation. But now... She is too saucy for me. Just kidding. She is saucy enough.... WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sh eis saucy like BBQ. Zesty. Tasty. I no think of Gin with C boobs on my arm. Gin is no good. Vodka. Is good. Wine os good too. Wine like C & D boobies. It like wooo. boobies together. We likey. All faMILY AND FUN. Shhhhh. MY GLASS is freakin empty! (M)]

Her glass is not empty. No. (B)

Well no.....geesh....not anymore. She good wife. The non-blonde. (M)

That is true. I am not blonde! Wassup! It freaks everyone out. Apparently I am supposed to be blonde. The people at my church tell me I look like hell. I say thanks a lot. You are swell people. Kisses to you. (B)

SHE NOT HELL LOOKING> I kilol the,m. THe people the church. She s hot wife. Hottest wife on planet. We are forgetting about all assholes of our past. Only cheery futures for us and hot...ness....love..mmm .yeah. Oh. (M)

I would like to be flirted with by a non-married fella. (B)

Married peoeps are bitches. No try to kiss me or shove tongues in mouhts. What up woth that shit? Fuckers. I talk to you about your wife and at the end of the night you try to kiss me? BAH!!! Done. I hate. (M)

Me too. I hate. I will kick you in your face.a dn then poke you witha sharp stick in your testicular region. NO> Stop itr. You must talk so big to make up for smaller things. Thanks Xtina. (B)

Free! Kill the ghosts. Go Anna Nalick. Wine and music. Good together like me and the Bug. (M)

OMIGOD!v She is so right, -the errant v.... Aw. I have the best best friend in the world. I first typed frined... I love her sooooo much. We have our occassionally flare ups, but that just makes us better, I think. So, this may be sappy, but I have no idea where I would be without her. I need my baby banana. (B)

Bananas need Bugs you know! It'smtrue. Mush. All much central here. Nothing tos ee. Move along. I love her. What can I say. She is the best bug ever. Even among non bugs. She the best.. (M)

A bug flew in my eye today. (B)

Did it die> (M)

I believe it's life was snuffed amongst my eye fluids. (B)

YOU CRIED IT TO DEATH? GOD that is sad. You cried your family to deTH. You are not crying now. Even with Fiona and the BaD day song. (M) but I thinkthe bad day song is happy.

Um. It was a gnat, I beleieve. But I never found out. This song is not happy but it is empowering to women. I am talking Fiona's song. I am not in love. I can't stop falling out. I hear ya, Fee. I can call her fee, cause we are all tight and shit. I MISS THAT STUPID ACHE. Bah. Men. Love. Suck igt. Hmm. Ashe is no. She is bitter like me. I love Fee. (B)

I used to be bitter. I am still. A teeny bit.. Wee bit. But hearting boy in Chicago. Makes me forget about crappy boyness. How does that happen>? Boy. Comes. Nice. Calls. Calls you pretty. You forget and melt? How does the cycle continue? Bitterness rules the fucjing world. Ask IsrAEL. (m) mE NOT a politico,\

I am bitter. Am not a politico. Am a popolitico, though. No, I will quote nothing. But I am bitter from ex, and I am bitter from idiots who hit on me when I go out. Nothing good. And I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry to the really nice guys that I am simply not attracted to. So, I will wait. And sit at home where my chances of meeting a great guy are the same as my chances of having talking to talk to an idiot who deems me a bitch within 22 seconds because I won't let him buy me a drink (BUG OUT)

Boys are dumb. I know. I mean soooo dumb. Is there anything dumber than a boy trying to hit on a girl? Shit it has been years since I had a real boyfriend. Dates. Even those dates ended up dumb. Holding out hope though. I wonder. Frequntley in that makes me dumb girl though? I doon't wanna be that dumb girl. I don't feel dumb and desperate. But I wonder (MP) POLICE! YeH. Every breathe you take.....oh yeah

Naw, you ain't desperate. You just right. I am too bitter. Too angry. Too jaded. Sad for me. I will never give the guy the chance. (B)

Ypuve always been the jaded girl. ALWAYS! Why? Imean 10+ years of it. I wonder. You deserve it most of all (M)

Some peopel should just be alone. That's life. (B)

Why do people date anywat? If it's al for nothing. Does it ever work out. I don't thinkI know anyone who is really happy. REALLY. For reals. (M)

Aw. People who love for real are cooll/ b

Cool. (M) We'[re cool.

You know I think I would be happy to see anyone I have ever known, whatever level... happy with someone. (B)

Pearl Jam concert will lift any spirit. (B)

Even if the Vetter writes about depressing shit (M).

She means Vedder. But She stills is sincere in her love (b)

edddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddie(m)

hoo hoo hoo hooo hoo hoo hoo hoo oooowwhoaaaaaaaaa. (B)

Spoke in. spoke in. Uh huh. uh huh. (B)

Sigh. I feel spent. Mmmm. What song is next? (M)... ... ... Jewel... About long distance./ That is for you Marci and him. You know HIM> (B)

I don't know bout ni long distance. But I did have to change my phone plan. (M)

Whoa. That is huge. She would not do that for me!!!! She wants to make his toes curl. He'll be her only boy and she'll be his only girl. (B) Damn, it is so sweet I need to go to the dentist.

I never went over my minutes with you, wife. That is the beauty of work-time phone calls. This one, the Cubs Fan, loves to call me at 7pm. JUST under Cingular nights and weekend time. I am in so much debt next month. Ouch. (M)

Ask her about her savings account. Suck it. In debt. (B)

Which TOTALLY got broken into to pay for WVAness.!!!!! $1000+ credit card bill for JUNE! JULY is even more, and it's not even due yet. OUCH broke hurts (M)

Um, how much is repaid by work. WV was cheap. She is rich.Don't let her trick you. FOH REAA (B)

Pretending everything's ok. Michelle. Why you love me like that? Bug! YOu love me likethat? You wanna be alone? I don't. I like you rcompay. I'll throw some diamonds at you. I will. (MO()

Love me or leave me, baby, don't lead me on. But I love your company too. (B)

The naked married couple says Love is EASY. The naked ones from WV pool. They say you don't have to work at it. I call BULLSHIT (M)

Maybe it should be easy because you WANT to work at it. ? (B)

Wanting to work at it is different than HAVING to. Right? I am not off on that. Love is work. But the good kind? Shit. I dunno . What do I know. Pretty much nada. (M) totally nada

Don't ask me. I have been in one real relationship that turns out to have meant nothing at all. So I know nothing. What I thought I felt was a ruse. So I can tell you what fake feels like., It feels kind of real. But only for you. (B)

Fuck maybe real is for suckers. Let's all go to LaLa land. Wooooo. In my head. In her head. Woo. I cna't stop typing "wood" But i have friends with wonderful imaginations. I am going there. I will ride their rides and kiss their dream boys. And run around like Puck (M) BugField and CLussyLand come to mind....

I don't wanna be foolhardy. I don't want another one to catch me. But you can't go around with the expectation that they will hurt you, but I can't help it. So I hide out. Lemme alone. And don't judge me when I am sad being alone, and don't judge me for being alone. (someone)

Bitter is for suckers, too. We need to stop with the bitter. We are cute. Smart. Funny. We deserve it all. Bitches. You betta recognize. (M)\

but are there creatures out there deserving? Capable of giving us what we need? That was somethng I used to hear a lot... "I can't give you what you need." )B_

I don't know why I have an opptomistic nature with this crap (sometimes), but I think you are Super, Bug, always have....you are the most deserving of the whole (oh god I have to spell some shit) shegang. Shebag. Shebang. ??? Chibang? I dunno, that girl rocks. And she's always been jaded. And I always tell her to hold out. And I am wrong. A lot. But not about the deserving part. (M)

Wait. Jen. Hi. Love you. S'all. (M)

I love Jen too. (B)

I am too sleepy to contemplate all the fan-flippin-tastic losers I could spend my life with. Unfortunatley I would rather be alone/ than with a lose.r. But I like Mr. Cubs-fan/ AND THJAT IS HUGE CAUSE SHE IS MY WIFE FUCKWADS... I don't share so good. And Tom Cruise and Joseph sMITH and L Ron Hubbard are fuckwads. (BBBBB)

You share fine. I drakn half your wine, didn't I? FuCKWADS are for assholes. (M)

Sleeping with Bernard time?> (B)

Is there spooning involved...w/o the ugly monster-thing?(IM)

I'll hold him.(B)

I'll hold you? (M) We are all even? I don't touch the monster, ruight?

Naw, he is true to me. He is mine mineminemine (B)

DeaL

g'NIGHT. fOLKS.

m OUT

b OUT SOO TIRE, D ... aND NO DATING TIPS PLKEAESESE. SO BORESD WIRTH NDATING. AND DATIG TIPS. (bp

Lemon yellow sun, arms stretched in a V

2006-07-13T12:06:00.000-04:00

I spoke on the Metro today. It’s true. I spoke to a stranger during my morning commute. Do not be alarmed! The metro train did not explode, nor did our commute suddenly come to a screeching halt (well, no more than usual anyway). It turns out that nothing really extraordinary happens if you speak on the Metro trains, other than garnering wishes for a good morning, perhaps even being alerted to an interesting newspaper article you might have otherwise missed. Really. I am not lying. It all started when I boarded as I normally do, that is bag flapping, WaPo Express flying while running toward the closing doors. As I collected myself and moved toward the center of the car, like the good girl I am, an olderish gentleman offered me the seat next to him. Usually I decline such offers, being able-bodied and with only a handful of stops before my exit, but I was hot from the walk to the station and a seat actually sounded wonderful. So after a second’s hesitation, I took him up on his offer. Eyeing my Express, he says “I read better sitting down anyway”. At first I did not know what to do. I imagined what other commuters would do in this situation. Do I stare at him blankly? Pretend I don’t hear? Scoff at him quietly and pull out my iPod? Instead I answered, “Actually, I can’t read sitting down, I get car sick”. [Moving to the side] “Well, you better get up then!” A joke? Or is he serious? Being new to this sort of situation I am unsure. I decide to stay put and offer up a quiet giggle. He grins. I guess I picked the right response. He returns to his (full-size, 35¢) paper and flips the page. After a few moments he laughs. He looks to me and even though I am digging through my bag for my lip gloss, I see him out of the corner of my eye. He wants to share. He laughs again and this time I look up. The stranger gestures toward a headline in the paper, mumbles something about the topic and says “It’s this paragraph here that’s really funny.” And then he began to read. To me. An excerpt of an interesting article. On the Metro. Before 9am. I am totally serious. The paragraph was in fact funny, and I responded as such. We spoke a bit about the subject of the article and went back to our silent interests. But the barrier had been broken. As the train lurched along the tracks, more conversation and pleasantries were exchanged. It wasn’t forced or obligatory, but if a sight or a commonality struck either of us as interesting, the thought was shared. As I gathered my things and performed the I’m-Getting-Off-At-This-Stop Dance, the stranger rose from his seat to allow my exit and wished me a good day. I did the same—and I am alive to tell the tale.

Three and out?

2006-07-12T12:03:00.000-04:00

It is a documented fact that I don’t do well after the third date. (And you all thought this was going to be about baseball.) By “well” I mean go on a fourth date. Girlriends and guy friends alike are equally perplexed as to this phenomenon in my dating life. All things kind of come to a screeching halt shortly after date number three. Sometimes without fanfare (she strikes out looking!) and sometimes with, well a tiny bit anyway. It doesn’t seem to matter how much time elapsed from start to finish—1 week, 3 weeks, 6 weeks. Date #3 = Done. Over. No mas. Did my fairy godmother instill a three and out rule, and allow prospective boyfriends an insight to my inner pumpkin after they wooed me just long enough? This is what you are really getting into, take a good look. Are you prepared for all of this young man? If not, get out while you can. In fact, just go...no worries...it really is too much for you. I wish I had an answer. Because if staying up all night in your pjs, watching Sports Center and arguing baseball while drinking Hoegaarden counts as date, I just might be in trouble. And I can honestly say I am not ready to head back to the dugout on this one just yet.

Is it just me, or is my head spinning?

2006-07-11T15:35:00.000-04:00

Did anyone else notice the genius spin doctoring going on last night at the HR Derby?

Specifically that of AJ Pierzynski.

I mean, he babbled on and on throughout three-quarters of the first round. With a baby on his lap. A baby girl. With a pink ruffle thing in her hair. A ruffley, pink, baby-girl that was presumably his daughter. Who else did they talk to that wasn’t actually hitting in the derby? Papelbon (for like 5 minutes). Anyone else? Was it Selig’s doing? I can’t imagine the networks themselves would have come up with that. What do they care if Pierszynski’s seen as a dick? Hell, dicks make good tv (just ask Cinemax…but I guess they like boobies more than dicks…anyway…). It had to have come from up top. Is there anything that the commish is NOT controlling? But did you see how stiff and quiet that baby was? She was either scared out of her mind or she was fake. A fake, wooden baby. That’s my bet. I guess a fake, wooden baby beats a fake, invisible one ala Suri Cruise. Meh. Both dads are equally crazy.

Gratuitous Vacation Photo

2006-07-11T12:06:00.000-04:00

Mappy asked for more photos...so here you go!

Fun with parachute men!

By the numbers

2006-07-10T12:49:00.000-04:00

10: Number of days on vacation 4: Hours spent kayaking, or at least sitting in an actual kayak, because I am pretty sure that napping in the thing doesn’t actually count as kayaking. 30: Number of minutes spent biking before we gave up and returned to the kayaks. 1: Number of times our kayaks were pirated. See recap of piracy here. 3: Bottles of West Virginia wine purchased by this banana. Check out Lambert’s Winery. Cutest, most laid-back winery ever. 3: Separate spa treatments I indulged in. How much do I love a hot stone massage? 3: Approximate number of bottles of wine consumed on Buggie’s actual birthday. Jen, apparently vodka won’t do it anymore, we need copious amounts of wine to get drunk. Who knew? 5: Approximate number of injuries resulting from wine-induced festivities. Documentation can be found here. Mine have since healed. 2: Number of new baseball caps received 4: Number of states I spent the night in these past ten days 59: Hours it took to drive home from Minnesota 92.4: Total number of miles run in the month of June. This is awesome. Unfortunately so far in the month of July I’ve only run 18. 180: Age, in years combined, between my two favorite old people – Grandma and Great Uncle Gordy. 210: Number of photos snapped in West Virginia with more on the way! Photo pictured here is an actual house we came upon just on the other side of the Walkersville covered bridge in WV. 1: Number of Amish women spotted eating Quaker rice cakes. Apparently the Quakers make good Amish grub? Gazillion: Approximate number of fireworks seen from the airplane while flying over Indiana and Illinois on July 4. Which, by the way, is the coolest friggin’ thing ever.

Watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock it's got to stop

2006-06-29T15:55:00.000-04:00

It’s got to stop because it’s almost vacation time people. V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N. A real one. Complete with relaxation! And Buddha bellies hanging out over bikini bottoms and not caring because it’s friggin West Virginia and like who do I know there anyway?

After getting less than 8 hours of sleep, combined, over the last two days I am so ready for some R&R. Maybe not R&R that starts at 6am…but maybe I can work on the wife about what time we leave tomorrow.

West Virginia here we come! I will be offline until July 10* (I know! What ever will the eight of you do?), so happy birthday to Canada and America and all you cool Cancers. Party hardy folks.

*I will not be in WVA for that entire time. I am flying out to Chicago on the 4^th of July for a super quick visit, as I’ll be in town for a measly 12 hours. Then I fly up to Minnesota to meet up with my family for a couple of days…just to turn around and drive back to the DC area with Mom, Dad and little sis. What was it I was saying about relaxation? Wish me luck.

Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids

2006-06-27T13:48:00.000-04:00

and Metro is for suckers

Silly me for believing 24 hours would be enough time for Metro to resolve any residual issues from yesterday.

Silly me for leaving for work this morning 10 minutes early, just in case things were a little slow on Metro.

Silly me for listening for station alerts and upon hearing none, assuming it meant there were no delays.

Silly me for thinking that first "hold" at Courthouse would be the last one of the commute.

Silly me for arriving at work nearly an hour late even with my ten-minute cushion.

Silly me for not knowing a twelve-minute train ride would take nearly an hour.

Silly, silly me.

Rocket misses the Twin Cities

2006-06-23T08:38:00.000-04:00

In his much anticipated return to baseball, Roger Clemens leaves his first game back from (his third?) retirement in the 5^th inning, having thrown 100 pitches and giving up six hits with two runs. Final score: Twins 4 / Astros 2.

Yeahhhhhh baby!

So the Twins might still be eleven games back (friggin Tigers and White Sox), but rookie Liriano proved his worth again. With our hitting back on the rise (hello league leader, hottie Joe Mauer), and some solid starters on the mound (like Santana can be referred to as merely “solid”) and a capable bull, we might just give the Central a run for their money.

If I say "Fuck" two more times that's forty six "Fucks" in this fucked up rhyme

2006-06-21T19:06:00.000-04:00

If you happen to be so fucking angry that you can't fucking see straight you might just have a most excellent evening run. If you are so completely fucking fed up with the anger-inducing imbeciles that you've cried like a girl today (and that fucking pisses you off even more), you might have the kind of run where you accidentally run a few extra blocks--without noticing. If you've yelled at the people that are even theoretically involved in your anger and have loudly complained to those that can offer even half an ounce of sympathy, you might run your standard 4.5 miler five minutes faster than usual--despite the increasing heat. That's all.

Baby Bananas presents another episode of The Baking Banana

2006-06-21T08:45:00.000-04:00

So I baked this past weekend. Again. It was for Daddy's Day. At his request I made carrot cake. A new endeavor for me, but I think I did alright. Check it out.

First, I compiled the ingedients

Then, I had to shred 3 cups of carrots (ok, so I shredded one cup by hand, the rest was thrown in the food processor)

Carrots are so pretty...and orange.

With the carrots done, it was time to make the cake batter

And put it all together

Once you have a batter, in the pan it goes

While it baked, I made the frosting. Which consisted of sifted confectioner's sugar, cream cheese and butter. Then I got to beat the shit out of it. Thank God for my Kitchen-Aid.

If you are lucky, in about an hour, the cakes come out looking something like this.

Once the cakes are cooled, I slapped the cream cheese frosting on those babies.

Then I made it pretty. Everything's better with a berry and some nuts. (Heh. nuts and berries.) Viola! Carrot Cake!

It's our prerogative, we'll do what we wanna do

2006-06-20T08:35:00.000-04:00

I don't need permission Make my own decisions That's my prerogative That's my prerogative

Yes, we changed our minds again. The Buggie Banana Birthday Bonanza is no longer headed to Atlanta or Dallas—we’re keepin’ it on the ground people. Vacation is now being routed through…

…wait for it…

West Virginia!

Country roads, take me home To the place I belong West Virginia, mountain momma Take me home, country roads

All the glory of inbreeding and backwoods charm, wrapped up in a mountain resort. Complete with spa treatments, kayaking, wine tasting, pool lounging and reconnecting with nature. In other words, RELAXATION.

Relax don't do it When you want to go to it Relax don't do it When you want to come

We go to baseball games all the time, we go out all the time…what we don’t do is take time for ourselves. And the last thing we need is a vacation that warrants another vacation just to recover. We did call to confirm there is a bar on premises though. Hell, we aren’t dead…or stupid!

T minus 9 days, 20.5 hours and counting…

Heard about the Polish hockey team? They all drowned during spring training.

2006-06-19T07:24:00.000-04:00

As blurbed in WaPo Express:

A lake in Wielkopolska, Poland, went from being freshwater to 30 percent vodka earlier this month after a nearby distillery leaked into it, the Mirror reported. Following technical problems at the plant, chemists confirmed the alcohol level and residents crowded around Lake Bracholinksie, filling their boats with the water – which was three times a potent as wine.

I think I am going on vacation to Poland now.

We're going back to Atlanta, Atlanta, Atlanta

2006-06-15T12:11:00.000-04:00

It looks like that is where we are headed folks. So if you haven’t chimed in about where to go in ATL, do it now! If you’ve already given me ideas, I may be emailing you for specifics. Yayayaya! Vacation! Not just any vacation though, the annual birthday vacation with my best (birthday) girl, Buggie. A re-cap of the past birthday vacations: 2005 ~ A road trip to Atlantic City and NYC. Loads of fun, even with the spilled coffee and the horrendous Jersey girls. The trail mix, oh the trail mix. We ate buffet food complete with 9 deserts. We tried on hideous outfits at Cache and took pictures. We accosted a Blue Mercury and let the makeup abuse us (at least that’s OUR version of the story) and took more pictures. We partied it up at the Borgata. We paid tolls. We met, or stalked rather, Rocket Romano from ER at a turnpike Burger King. We ate an amazing dinner at Artisinal. We chatted up our neighboring restaurant patrons. We lounged prettily and flirted shamelessly (until we got too drunk or not) at Lotus. We walked to 1st street from mid-town. We sought and found Belgian fries and some of the best pizza slices in SoHo. We got facials and goodies at Fresh. We bought shoes. We ate free cookies while holding boxed cupcakes, and then we turned around and paid more tolls to get our butts home. 2004 ~ Chicago So many things on our list to do since normally we visit this fine city in the winter. Cubs game was the first order of business. We got off the plane, dropped our bags and headed to Wrigley to see them take on the Astros. We saw a baby dip his pacifier into his Mom’s beer so many times that we, too, got ourselves some Old Style. We ate frozen lemonade that tasted so gooood on such a hot day. Sammy Sosa hit a walk-off home run in the 10th. We went to the bar across the street for post-game beer and to toast Canada Day with some real beer…Bug, I forget the name of the bar. We had tiramisu for birthday dessert. We went to see Second City. We went to Taste of Chicago and ate huge watermelon wedges, fresh corn and some meat. Didn’t we have meat? We shopped like we shop in Chicago – a lot, with passion and without regard to our bank statements. I got an orange handbag. Ahhh, Chicago. Our favorite city. One day we will grow old there together. 2003 ~ We flew in and then drove through Montreal, Québec City and Ottawa with our other best girl, Jen – that sasquatch seeing bitch. Seriously, within an hour of being in Canada, Jen sees a sasquatch, a talking sasquatch with it’s human owner/handler who ties to convince it to stop acting like a sasquatch. Only not really. She was drunk. (Or tired, but what’s the difference really?). We had high tea, we went to Chez Paree (of you don’t know, you betta ax somebody), some of us had poutine while others tipped toonies at another establishment with Ray Loita (not Liota). Halle Bbbarry was spotted. We realized that Bug’s not married and Jen speaks French (or more accurately, she speaks English with a bad French accent). We celebrated Canada Day in Ottawa, which is somehow so much better than the 4th of July. Steve is done swimming now. Ow. Quit it. We really need our own man servants. And you know what, looking back on it…”it” WASN’T a poor reflection of B, B was a poor reflection of B. I will walk with my hands bound, I got it, I I got it! There was air piano, and Caesar salads, all-dressed potato chips, a whole lot of beer and SARS infected maple leafs. I AM erican and also a couchetard. Oh, coke nail, I pity the fool. 2002 ~ Las Vegas .

Ok, another vacation idea...

2006-06-14T12:19:00.000-04:00

What say you all about Atlanta? Dallas didn't go over too well, even though Savage did pique my interest. That girl was talking my talk. So what about ATL? Braves game, the aquarium would be must-dos. Is a car necessary there? Good spas to be had? Shopping? Do tell!

3 words pictures*

2006-06-12T18:33:00.000-04:00

WHAT? Friday's Blogger Happy Hour WHO? Meg, Me, I-66, Heather B. and (in front) Buggie

WHAT? Tagging the Nats' home plate after Sunday's game WHO? Me WHAT? On the infield at RFK WHO? Me (with Cubs Fan) swoon *So would that make this post worth 3,038 words?

A vacation in Dallas?

2006-06-09T10:57:00.000-04:00

Ok, who’s been to Dallas?

If two girls were looking for some Texas, summertime fun…what would they do in the Dallas area? Would we need a car?

We are thinking baseball, spa and ???? I’ve never been to Texas except for layovers.

Observations

2006-06-08T17:42:00.000-04:00

*Raw silk pants do not flatter any figure. Women, why do you insist on wearing them? *Married men should stop trying to kiss me. Really. *I really do love my teeth. *Free booze on the shuttle to NYC is one of the greatest things ever. Even when you are supposed to be hungover. *Conferences are quite a wasteful enterprise. And by wasteful, I mean full of trash. *Kent Hrbek was not a pitcher, as I was reminded by my trusty Phone-An-Encylopedia friend, D-Mac, when I called him drunk off my ass the other night trying to win yet another bar bet. *Apparently, Mike Lowell likes to eat Caesar salads before getting whipped by the Yankees. *I really need to get my hair trimmed. *Marathon training officially starts 6:30 freaking a.m. on Saturday. How is that humane?

67.8

2006-06-02T13:27:00.000-04:00

miles this month.

Pathetic

And I thought I was worried about last month? I mean, that number means I wasn't even averaging 17 miles a week. No wonder I have acquired the little Buddha. Plus, I should have been taking advantage of the last of the mild weather. Because it's gettin' hot in herre.

My mileage number must have been off because I've been busy weighing pros and cons all month (wouldn't it be funny if I meant I've been literally putting professionals and convicts on a scale? Heh).

~I am chicken that I'll totally suck at it ~All the more reason to do it, you might surprise yourself

~It's summer time! In D.C.! Are you insane? Who does this in the summer? ~Another reason to commit yourself, with an end goal it will be easier to actually get out there on those 99% humidity days.

~You know this means you'll have to give up debaucherous fun on Friday nights. ~Just move all that fun to Saturdays, hopefully "the wife" will be ok with moving date night. Plus, you'll save yourself some dough by only going out once on the weekends. Annnnd, you don't have to give up all fun on Friday's, just late night, drinking fun. There is fun to be had without booze and 3am bedtimes, you know.

~This is gonna take a lot of effort and your friends already think you're a workout freak. ~Best way to work off that pooch.

~What if you're not strong enough, what if you suck? ~You've been injury-free for well over a year now and getting healthier with increasing mileage. You'll be fine.

~What if your times sucks? ~Who cares? You would have run a marathon...besides, what if it doesn't?

Listening here, to my inner ~~demon~~ workout ~~freak~~ maven, I think the Pros have it.

I am going to start training for a fall marathon. Gah! I am going to run a marathon!

God help me.

Today is what I'd call a baking day

2006-05-31T17:32:00.000-04:00

~It's not anyone's birthday (that I know anyway) ~No one is leaving the country ~I am not entertaining family or friends I am drained a little upset stressed and overwhelmed I think some muffins are in order, or maybe cupcakes. Any requests? I don't want to eat them, just bake them.

Blogger is stupid, but not stupid enough to quell my enthusiasm...

2006-05-30T15:29:00.000-04:00

...Pearl Jam is tonight! That's right bitches. God bless Buggie and government relations. Curse me for not downloading their new album though. I am going to be unable to sing along to 3/4 of the concert. No worries. It's Eddie, you can barely understand him half the time anyway. Hoping to hear at least of few of the following: Garden, Better Man, Daughter, Black, Fade Away, Jeremy, Alive, Release Me, Rearview Mirror, Off He Goes, Evenflow, Once. If I can get a good smattering of those I'll be super happy. Super super super happy if they do Better Man and Black (for Bug because it's her favorite).

Three words

2006-05-30T12:46:00.000-04:00

Pearl Jam....tonight!

More sighing

2006-05-25T17:08:00.000-04:00

Me (to Cubs Fan): WSH 5 / HOU 1 -- I told you the Nationals missed me! They were hitting like crazy last night, granted it wasn't until the 8th and only then after a favorable balk in the 6th. But still, they were fired up. I credit myself with the win. Now if I could only get myself to Minneapolis to help out the Twins. In more important news, you think the Oilers will sweep? How cool would that be? Cubs Fan: Love to see Buffalo against the Oilers...awesome. Good job with the Nats at RFK. You do really miss me huh? It is my tallness and wit? Do say... Me: Aw, I do miss ya. It's the smile mostly. The wit I can get over email ;) I want to see the Sabres and the Oilers too! I can't root for Buffalo to win the Cup though. They took the Sens out and Ottawa was my fav going into the playoffs. Cubs Fan: I'm pulling for rough Buff. Me: No way! Care to wager? Trying to think of something good to play for... Cubs Fan: I know...I know!!! Me: Your enthusiasm scares me, but my curiosity is piqued...Whatcha got? Cubs Fan: It won't get past my email filter Am I so easy that this makes all blushy? And how much do I hate that he lives in Chicago? But how much do I love the flirt? Been some good solid months since I had good flirt. Nice to have it back. Sigh and double sigh.

Pollen, thy name is misery!

2006-05-24T08:55:00.000-04:00

Imagine, you are sitting around minding your business, perhaps at work a little too late for your own good, but damnit you are just so busy. Without thought, your hand reaches up to your face to tweak a slight itch near your eye. Being nonchalant about it and not really paying any attention, your fingers brush against your lashes and you unconsciously realize that...you have an itch there, in your eye, as well. Oh it's a deep itch, right there in the corner. Not even twenty seconds later, your finger is knuckle-deep in your eye socket. Alarmed, you yank your finger from it's fun and at the same time, your other hand decides to reach for the opposite eye. "Augh", you think, or try to--your brain can't get past the itching signals. You try to calm yourself down and keep your hands away from your face, but every blink of the eye brings on a new level of discomfort. You take a deep breath, well you attempt a deep breath and quickly realize that you can no longer breath through your nose. Hmm, mouth-breathers are hot. I.t.c.h.i.n.g. Thinking of maybe your mother's advice? Basic common sense? Or every other non-informative, springtime, 5 o'clock news segment (you know the ones, on those quiet news days) you repeat to yourself "scratching it will just make it worse". So you sit and contemplate the hellish distress of the all consuming eyeball itchies over the burning pain of relief that would come with scratching up your corneas. Oh no. Ew. Now your nose is leaking. You try to sniffle it up like a seven-year old, but nothing happens. The nasal passages are dead stopped, like traffic on I-95. How can your nose be working in only one direction!?!? You leap up to find a tissue, as you ran out of your own sometime around 11 am. Running from cubicle to cubicle you find nothing until you spy the paper towels in the office kitchen. You quickly debate whether to continue your quest for the fluffy and lotion-infused or to stop and use the sandpaper towels to mop up the snot from your nose. Considering gravity is taking hold and the sticky stuff is heading quickly in the direction of your upper lip you go with the sandpaper. Current crisis temporarily averted, your mind goes back to the prickly irritation in your eyes. You try pressing your fingers deep into your eyeballs. You poke them so deeply that you see something that looks like an eclipsed sun. With no time to appreciate the cosmic forces hidden behind your eyes, you stop poking because, damnit it's not working! You try dabbing ice cold water in your eyes, thinking of some random thing you read once that said nerves can only feel one sensation at a time, hot, cold, pain, itch. Lies! The water makes it worse, irritating your peepers once again and sending your fingers back to your face...scratch, scratch, scratching. Ow. Scratchity scratch. Owowow, claw, scrape. Ow. Rub. Rub harder. You stop and take inventory of the situation. Your eyes have been reduced to teary, red, swollen burning orbs of pain.

But they don't itch. You grab a couple of paper towels before you leave the kitchen to go back to your desk, hoping the pain outlasts the histamines.

Rub it for luck

2006-05-22T17:05:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I've been pissed and freaking out about my growing little budda belly for about a month now. That hasn't made me do anything (extra) about it, but I am still a little freaked. I mean I'm not getting younger here, people. For every ounce of fat I put on, it's gonna be three times harder to take it off. So why is it, today, I find the baby budda totally cute. I know I'll go back to being repulsed when I change into my pj's tonight, but for right now I find it adorable. I think someone may have slipped some peyote in my afternoon tea. I should start rubbing it for luck, because it is not lasting long--that's for damn sure.

Sigh

2006-05-19T09:36:00.000-04:00

I heart email flirting.

Me (to Cubs Fan): Two shut outs aren't enough, now you have to add insult to injury by having Wood close out the series? Not fair.*

Cubs Fan: I will drink a bud for you at Wrigley.

Me: Will you get peanuts, too? Beer and peanuts! You know, I've only been to one [Nats] game this season so far. Pathetic. That's why they are sucking so hard. They miss me.

Cubs Fan: 2 dogs with onions...two beers and a bag of peanuts...every game. I have been to 10 games this year :) I miss you too.

Me: You just had to go and rub it in about your game attendance and hotdog rituals and then say something all nice and stuff. When you gonna come out here for a game?

And then we segue into real flirting, black lace may or may not have been mentioned. But is he coming out here? No. Not at this time. He tried though.

Sigh.

*Turned out to be fair enough. Cubs Fan called it (in a not-quoted-here email)--Wood got shelled, 4 runs in five innings. Final score WSH 5/CHC 3.

Copy cat

2006-05-18T12:55:00.000-04:00

Ok, I've seen this all week and have been fascinated by it. I am sorry for any idea stealing that may be happening here but damn, it felt good. Also, I thought some of my friends might really like this exercise and I don't think they've had a chance to see it yet.

The rules: List ten things you want to say to people you know but never will, for whatever reason. Don't say who they are. Use each person only once.

You are such a selfish bastard. Grow the fuck up and stop using people, especially her. Just leave her the fuck alone already.

You are lucky I know you well, otherwise I might think you pretentious and full of yourself.

I really am sorry for being the biggest bitch in your life for god knows how many years, because you know what? You turned out to be a pretty awesome guy.

I don't know why you incite such reactions from me, it's like you push every damned button I have (and not the good ones) and I dislike you little more every time you nail a new one.

God! It's like your automated or something. The most boring automated person on the planet. Shut up and get a personality and don't come back until you do. Actually, I don't really care if you go away forever. I wouldn't really notice either way, except that we like to make fun of you.

I know you're sick and I know you've had a hard life. But why do you have to be so mean? When you called me a whore? Devastating. It still, so many years later, hurts me to the core. And the way you tear them down kills me. I know you're not always like that, but I wish you could see how much your harshness hurts people.

I hate that you took so many years of my life, that is my biggest regret about it all--the time. I wish I had some of those years back. Not all of them, but some.

I feel comfortable in silence with you, I wish that made you as happy as it makes me.

You make me laugh like no one else and I trust you implicitly, but why is that I am not entirely comfortable around you?

I may act like I we're all cool, but I secretly think you're a big, fat loser.

And please, no speculation :)

So it was Mother's Day this past weekend and you know what that means...

2006-05-16T20:27:00.000-04:00

... ... ...well, for me it means baking*. An actual excuse to bake! Sweet Jesus. Get me to an oven, pronto! Actually, I both cooked and baked for Mother's Day. I had the whole family over for dinner. On the menu we had lasagna rolls stuffed with crimini mushrooms, spinach and beef (beef!) with a lovely gorgonzola cream sauce and for dessert there was...pie. Pie. That still counts as baking, right? I dunno, pie seems so unbake-like, especially lemon pie. But I baked the crust. Ooh, and the finished product (for like 6 minutes, but whatever!) . The pie was hard because I knew what I wanted to bake, but couldn't find a suitable recipe. So I did what any self-respecting baker would do, I improvised. I combined two recipes to get the desired effect. Well, technically three since neither recipe pictured here called for a meringue, but by now I've made so many meringues that I no longer need to follow a recipe to beat some egg whites and sugar together (with some cream of tarter and vanilla, I'm just sayin'). Anyway, I basically wanted a sweet cream cheese layer for the bottom of a lemon meringue pie-- since this is my mom's favorite. It stems back from our days in Minnesota and a little restaurant called Poppin' Fresh Pies**. A regional chain, kinda like a Denny's or a Perkin's, but they specialized in pie. Lots of pie. They had a whole 20-page menu devoted to pies. And once my mom discovered the Lemon Supreme, it was over. She found her pie for life. Described as "a silken supreme cream cheese base, covered with tangy lemon filling and topped with dollops of whipped cream" it is heaven for lemon lovers. I wanted to try to create my own version, using graham cracker crust instead of your traditional flakiness (I must confess this was more for my tastes than my mother's) and a meringue top layer instead of the whipped cream used by Poppin Fresh'. Problem was, I could only find some strawberry pie thing that called for no-bake cream cheesiness...so, I totally stole that portion alone and used it to add to this Lemon Creme Pie recipe. That, up there is what it looked like after I whipped it up and spread it upon my graham cracker crust. Nevermind the cake pan, apparently I do not have pieware. Curious. Anyyyyway, I then had to make the lemon filling, a new endeavor for me and I was worried when it was all liquidy and white, but then I added the yellow stuff (egg yolks and lemon peel) and it got all gelled up and turned a nice sunshiny-yellow color. (Really, I don't sound this retarded in person. At least I don't think I do.) I think this is where I got a little overwhelmed with all that was happening in the kitchen, because I have no other pictures outside of the final product. Of which you will find one below. I should have also taken a picture of a cut slice, because talk about presentation...there were dollops and cookies and tiny twists of lemon rind. Oh so pretty. Apparently yummy too, since I have barely a sliver left in my fridge.

Ta da!

*And also it means wishing all the Moms out there a super happy day, I guess that's you Harms since I don't know any other moms that read this. Yay for you! Kisses for your girls. ** Now known as Baker's Square.

Hot-n-salty (otherwise known as, my reaction to Grey's season finale)

2006-05-16T09:37:00.000-04:00

Well a bullet was dodged (but not by Dr. Burke), our little President shut his trap in time for the Grey's Anatomy season finale to start on time. As I mentioned to someone yesterday, he would have been begging for 34% approval ratings had his little talk interfered with 24 or Grey's. Don't mess with sweeps week.

Ok, had no idea tonight's episode was 2 hours. Bonus.

Does it make me an asshole that I am not really interested in the Izzy/Denny subplot? Every time their scenes came on, I found my eyes pointed on my crossword puzzle (or rolled up inside my head) instead of riveted to the television. It just seemed all so over the top. I liked both characters individually, but their star-crossed love was so blasé to me.

But the Burke/Christina storyline? Cried. Multiple times. Damn this show for making me shed tears all the freaking time. I wonder why I was so drawn to this arc, maybe I identify with Christina a teensy bit. That scene in the operating room, when they wanted him to move his fingers? Brutal. Tears. Actually I thought the scene where he asked her what he should do and she walked out was even more brutal. Sigh. More tears. I love Sandra Oh.

And I know everyone on the planet hates Meredith, but McDreamy is the asshole--toying with her mind and her heart strings like that. Gah! Guys are such assholes. That little subplot there is so real to me. Do you realize how often that happens? I hate them for making me hate Shepherd. Because I looooove Shepherd. And I keep hating him more and more as the show goes on, but hot damn. Did you see? The hair pulling? Hottt. So hot. Tears are gone at this point. Forgot about the crossword. Ooh. There's another one, I want to call Buggie and Jen to ask if they are seeing this (guys, we could tape that scene and use it as an instructional manual!) but I can't move from my seat. Sigh. No tears here. Gone. Sweet dreams.

I wanna rock and roll all night

2006-05-15T12:02:00.000-04:00

and steal hats everyday (apparently, I have an affliction)... I give you recent events before

and after

It seems that this is not a new thing for me, witness Exhibit B from earlier this year: Before

And after

At least I am learning to keep the hat owner in the next picture of me wearing the stolen goods, that's something right?

Looking forward to...

2006-05-09T19:09:00.000-04:00

Travel PACKING bleh 12-hour workdays INSANE AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL EXPENSE accounts eleventy hundred venti coffees wake up calls hangovers strippers food that I would never look at on a normal day open bars paper, paper and more paper drunkdancing kissing the random, never to be seen again (god you hope for the love of god) GOING TO BED FOR A MEASLY 3 HOURS lap dances both given and received BOOZE baseball CRAP-ASS HOTEL COFFEE schamltzy old men oh-my-god-am-I-drinking-diet-soda? having two guys fight over who's going to kiss you good night and reassuring them that there's just enough to go around such a lack of vegetables real-live HANGOVERS hurry up and wait over and over again terrible hotel food too-quiet hotel rooms CRAMMED SUITCASES wishing your friends were here SCHMOOZING acting interested in what the boss says Scott is not welcome at this establishment any more I love COKE more open bars more waiting around doing nothing, but acting interested oh god another hangover? smiles I said SMILES get your hand off my ass Mr. Board member HURTING I'm never touching vodka again. Ha. Re-packing the clothing strewn about the hotel room floor UGH BEGGING god to get you home fast Ahhh, it's over.

Yeah, so I have to go pack now. Business trip. Blog at ya later. Bye.

Moratorium is lifted

2006-05-08T17:25:00.000-04:00

You guys are safe for now, but it's only the second round of playoffs (and early at that) so don't think there won't be more hockey talk. Instead, today, I'll talk about running. Heh. Everyone probably hates that too. But I had my standard long run on Saturday (this week we hit Crystal City for 12 miles and one intense hill AND (yes, I said "and") a 5k race on Sunday morning. Normally I would not do this, run a long run and a race within 24 hours of each other...but it was the Race for Hope which benefits finding a cure for brain tumors and it just so happens that a spouse of someone in my office is living this very thing right now. So a bunch of office mates got up all early on a Sunday and ran for some hope. I was pretty happy with my time of 27:09 considering I wasn't racing per se and I had some dead-ass legs from the day before. Even better was that our brain tumor survivor was totally pleased that a bunch of somewhat random people (us) got up on a Sunday to exert effort in his honor.

H-O-C-K-E-Y

2006-05-05T17:24:00.000-04:00

I thought about misspelling that, so someone would come here thinking I was talking about hokey stuff or honkies or something, but I am not going to resort to childish pranks to get someone to talk about hockey with me. Although I may impose a gag order, no a moratorium on all subjects outside of hockey until someone bucks up and feigns interest in the NHL with me. So yeah, I guess I would resort to childish pranks. Nanany Nanany Boo Boo. The Great Eight: Ottawa v. Buffalo (I am going Ottawa in 6) Carolina v. New Jersey (Carolina in 6, only because I hate the Devils) San Jose v. Edmonton (SJ in 5. This series could go either way, but I'd like to see Ron Wilson move on) Anaheim v. Colorado (Colorado in 7. Avs all the way baby!)

Oil slicks in Detroit, Hurricanes in Canada?

2006-05-03T14:34:00.000-04:00

What is the NHL coming to?

Seriously. The Red Wings ousted in the first round, decisively no less, by the Edmonton Oilers? I mean, I am not complaining. But they were a #1 seed. Then last night the 'Canes wipe out the Habs. Really? Montreal is out of the Cup race at the hands of a team south of the Mason Dixon line! C'mon! The Rangers got swept, and we have NJ fans claiming a Devil dynasty. Last night Esche has the worst game of his life and the Flyers lose the series to Buffalo. Don't hate me Caps fans, but I was actually pulling for Philly to win that one.

Back to our regularly scheduled (predictable) NHL play-off games where the Senators impeached the Lightning in five; the Sharks proved they were top of the food chain over the Predators (go Wilson!); and the Stars fell in an Avalanche of five high-scoring games.

Just one series left to decide before we move on to the semis. Will the Ducks eat fire and move on to round 2 or do the Flames roast the Ducks? Game 7 is tonight at 9pm. I say, go Calgary!

*Oh how I heart making up sports headlines (especially hockey). The cheesier the better!

It's been done, but it's still funny (to me)

2006-05-02T13:54:00.000-04:00

I know we all get the random/funny/strange/disturbing/odd search strings that bring unsuspecting folk to our blogs. I've recapped them, you've recapped them, it's been done. I get it. But...

"stupid lame gross extreme funny"

I mean, c'mon! If anything were to sum me up, it would be that. Well except for the extreme part, I am not so very extreme. But stupid? Yup. Gross? Uh-huh. Lame? Oh, you bet. Funny? Well, I like to think so. I don't think I've ever had a more apropos search string attached to my ramblings. Today at 1:50am someone in Oregon stumbled across this baby banana and tried to figure out if I was those things, I think I am. I wonder if they agree--it took 'em 2 minutes 34 seconds and four page views to decide.

I think I'm in.